Friday, July 17, 2009

tears on my pillow

Sometimes you just have to cry. I hold it in a lot...especially in front of the kids. It's incredibly sad to know that my crying means they'll feel they've won. But, tonight was the night. I'm mourning for things I'll never have. Normal - even the new one I've been trying to nail down...seems to always be right out of reach.
DD has a big performance tomorrow. I have been SO excited for her and for us - really, our family. This camp has taken a lot of time and she's worked hard. While she knew she had my support, I toned down my excitement for her because it's overwhelming for her sometimes. She's the star of this show tomorrow...tumbling, cheering, felt so good to know how proud she could be of herself - HOW PROUD I am of her! Tonight she goes out to ride her scooter and it somehow turns into catastrophe. She comes in with a totally split lip - in three places. Blood everywhere and stories flying. Thank heavens DH was here - I'm bad with blood and the moments around that were flying. Once a calm set in I realized that she'll look like a mac truck hit her for the performance tomorrow. Forget the make-up she's supposed to wear...she may have black eyes and the whole package. Then I remember that she never cried. Not at all...
She and DS2 did this mess together and basically he ran into her face after she fell down with his bike. I don't believe a word of the story we were told. Neither of them cares.
I don't want to go tomorrow...I'm tired of explaining stuff and feeling embarrassed. I'm tired. I let it go...


  1. I just found your blog and thank goodness! I'm drowning in RAD and GAD right now with my 9 yr old daughter. I plan to read as much of your blog as I can over the next couple of weeks.