Friday, December 11, 2009

is this the up or the down?

As is well known around is a constant up and down. Generally if one kid is 'up', the other is 'down'. I must say we've had a very downward slide lately - and quite honestly, it's been all three kids.
Things have happened around here that I never expected - and would think I couldn't be surprised by much anymore. DS2 and DD coordinated a strange 'attack' on my dog the other night...there are a lot more details - but it just wasn't good. Max is fine...although perhaps emotionally scarred. We've got new standards in place to keep children and dogs separated. My poor dogs can't figure out why they can't go upstairs anymore...
There were two days of complete shock and awe around here. Tempers flare - not at the fact, it's been creepily quiet - mostly because I just have nothing to say. Tempers are directed at DH and me...we get angry with each other. Although that's not true...we are just angry at where we are sometimes. Every time we say, "I just never thought this would happen", I feel like it's a jinx - a way of asking for another much BIGGER shoe to drop.

However, we sat down in our quiet house and really talked. We opened up about what we can still handle and what we can't. We cleaned up our holiday business deciding what was still on and what might need to be off. I shared my frustration at the fact that when we have to clamp down tighter - it generally means me missing things I was looking forward to. I don't like the idea of losing my own life because of their choices...but hey, I don't like the idea of doing much with them either.

We came up with a plan - which mainly consists of no more talking. Lecturing, yelling, making deals, setting expectations...none of it works. We have to take what we've learned in attachment therapy and apply it. We have to find out what avenues are available to us and be honest about what we can still 'do' for our kids. In NO WAY am I saying we are giving up - but there is an obvious need for a break...

Answers aren't easy to come by - but I sure am glad we are looking for them together.

Then, the kids are suddenly REALLY polite when they realize just how busted they are...and it feels rather good since this time - I didn't even open my mouth.

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