Tuesday, September 28, 2010

the ever changing days of our lives

My daughter stole money at her gym last night. Brazenly...just walked up to another girl's bag, dumped it and took the money. I would have paused a moment to struggle to put her in that position. She's been doing so well. But, you can't really argue video proof.

She did it all in front of a security camera.

I'm heartbroken. She really had been doing so well...now downhill spiral. We were even being careful to not build it all up too much. She's a saboteur of herself...

She is no longer on the cheer team. They are meeting about her to make a decision, but DH and I don't see how we can send her back. The death of a dream. She's so good...so darn good...at it. The dead dream is obviously mine.

All this on the third day of DS2's trip home. That, in and of itself, has not gone well. I won't bore with details, just pretty much exactly what it was last time. Except now you can throw in a lot of rapper/gangster/thug talk. I'm not using those terms in disrespect - but honestly...I don't know what to call it. Who dat? instead of who is that?...and uglier words that I'm not ok with.

I can stop it here (well, not stop it but keep it under wraps) but I can't do anything about it there. I know the school would not be ok with it, but kids are crafty - I'm sure they aren't saying it out in the open. I'm sure these names they call each other are reserved for personal time away from adults.

And, he can't remember why he got suspended again. For two days...he thought is was because he pushed a kid...but NO - it was for being tardy SIX times in a week. This notice, again, said that the behavior could result in expulsion.

Fabulous. I don't think that will happen...but I know that we have to re-think our plans for him. Or give this more time...or give up. But, I can't do that one.

At least DH and I sat and laughed so hard we nearly cried last night. We did that together. What else can you do? As with so many people - this isn't what we thought we were signing up for.

But, here we are.


  1. wow. just wow. sinking feeling in my stomach..that's the thing.. the minute you dare to hope...i know in my heart even after 30 yrs my little precious could turn on me & step over my dead body & keep on going.. she never REALLY changed (just altered her behavior to fit society) what changed is like you said .. YOUR dreams..to take one's emotions totally out of it seems cold & uncaring but it's survival at best. The day the behavior no longer "shocks" you will be the day the scales are tipped. Im not sure at what age "A" realized FOR HERSELF that her actions carried consequences so she shaped up on her own but she did mature & see that. These kids are no fools.. I think this will affect her no matter how you act. She crossed the line on her own & it will probably teach her volumes about consequences. EVEN IF SHE DOES NOT SHOW IT. hang in there..

  2. Our kids came home around the same time. I read your blog. I am so sorry.

  3. Our son is 23 and is just maturing enough to start making some behavior changes. And that was mainly because someone besides us told him he needed to clean up his act before he can switch careers.

    Our other RAD son (age 21) continues to do things that shock us, that are contrary to every example we set for him. We're trying to play tough love to ensure he takes the consequences for his actions, even if it means he's on the streets. You're right, this isn't what we thought we were signing up for.

  4. M stole numerous things from children in school last year. Over 60 items to be exact. This year we can add forging signatures and conning a child a grade higher to complete her homework.