I have the cleanest junk drawer ever...ok, maybe not ever, but it's pretty clean. I got on a bit of a fall/winter cleaning - more like organizing - kick this weekend. I think I've gone through every spot in my house that had the least bit of disorganization and now...ahhhhh...
I got into the storage room today. It's one impressive space. Now...my kids helped. Not necessarily out of the kindness of their hearts, but out of the inability to make good choices. I'll tell you what...having little souls that can't, for the life of themselves, make a good choice and continue to end up spending extra time with mommy...well, it makes for a little less work. I ended up with tons of extra space (how many shoes boxes does one family need to keep?) and a feeling of complete satisfaction!
DD has been a little upset with me. Mainly because my attitude is better and that makes her really mad. So, she wrote me a little love note tonight and made sure to leave it out exactly where she knows I would be in her room. The sweetness:
I hate Mommy.
I hate my mother.
Kill, kill, kill.
Now, I'm not actually scared. After I went in and came out...she ran to me expecting me to 'yell' at her for the note...I gave her a hug and asked how she is feeling. That didn't please her. She even asked if I'd been in her room to look at her school clothes (where she left the note). I said yep and walked off, offering for her to join me in helping Dad with a job he was working on. Ha!
Last night as she meandered to bed - early - by her choice, because she couldn't stand to be with me one more minute...I said "night...see you tomorrow" and she dramatically answered "No, you won't...I'm going to die tonight". Again, I'm not scared. But, it does concern me...obviously. No one wants to hear their child say these things. Honestly, most kids who are really going to do severe harm to themselves or someone else DON'T talk about it...so her obsessive discussion about it relaxes me a bit. Not that I'm sitting on my haunches and thinking all is great. I've made these concerns known to the doc and therapist. And doc says...
How about an in-patient program? Yes...I know it's a possibility...but no, I'm not ready for that yet. I just wonder how she would ever gain trust if we do that. So, now I've had a doc tell me to put her in a 'program' and a therapist remind me to get her the birth control shot when she starts her 'womanly time'. AAAAHHHHH...the good life.
At least my junk is clean!
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"Womanly time"???? ROFLOL! Amazing that a professional can't speak in professional terms. Oy!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I hear on you what you're going through with DD and like you, have to overlook a lot of these behaviors. Some of it's from the BCLC track and some of it's purely for my own mental survival. It is truly amazing how one can learn to become majorly dispassionate when our troubled kids say or do things that would make "normal" parents (not that we are not all normal....) cringe, cry and start dialing 911. 'Nature of the beast.
Hang in there, M!!