So, after The Great PEEDINI was exposed I decided that he hadn't earned sleeping in his room. Honestly, I needed to keep the door shut from the smell which has mutated:
Dirty litter box in a hot room....to
dirty litter box in a cold room (thanks to open windows during a snow storm)...to
musty damp carpet mixed with air freshner....to
crunchy carpet from too many cleanings and overwhelming clean linen smell from too many airwicks....to
the smell of defeat.
It will never be clean.
Never.
Anyway, I moved him to the basement. Basically to live there. I give him clothes when he needs them and he's allowed to go upstairs and use the shower each night...but he is NOT ALLOWED IN THAT ROOM. Otherwise known to him as the TOILET. Not even one step. Now that the door is open I've actually put an orange cone in the doorway - nothing like a visual reminder that you peed all over my home...and your clothes...and you laughed when I touched your urine soaked clothes. And, for the record that may be kept for eternity...
I now smell PEE EVERYWHERE I TURN. It's like a disease that soaked into my skin. I've showered like 400 times in 4 days.
So, the basement dweller is cared for. I'm not starving him and there is a toilet in the basement - which it seems is closer than the one upstairs because he's using it (or the smell from not using it is not strong yet since the basement is a much larger space). He's been sleeping well - which is not always true for him. I actually sat on the couch last night with DH and cried tears of relief, thinking that this could actually be an answer.
Maybe he's just been too tired to make good decisions.
Maybe the cool of the basement agrees with his perpetually hot body.
Maybe he is going to miraculously change from sleeping on a couch in the freakin' basement.
Or maybe I'm a sucker. Yep...that last one is the right one.
He's been staying up all night watching tv and playing video games. THAT is why he's been sleeping until 10am. I realized this at 2:45 am when I was up sick for the 40th time this season (can anyone say stress can cause numerous health issues...I'm stressed people) and it dawned on me. He will absolutely do the wrong thing at any point when not being watched. I've yet to be proven wrong there. So, I walked to the basement door and sure enough - tv was on at 2:45 am. I did not go down there. I like living outside prison walls and honestly knew that I could not speak logically without killing him.
This morning however he got a nice fun wake-up call at 7am...do you know that exhausted kids tell the truth on accident. I picked up the remote and said "what fun shows did you watch last night?" - he starting listing them and then POOF...realized what was happening and changed tunes. Back to liar, liar, pants on fire. Oh, he should have wished for pants on fire. In the ensuing time of becoming my worker bee for the day (that is the kindest thing I could think to do) he blabbed some stupid stuff. No, truly stupid stuff. Let's see:
I didn't do it to get in trouble. But, I got caught, and I knew that I would get in trouble if I got caught. I always get caught. (DUH)
I'll decide how bad I'll be today after I see how much you P&SS me off.
And the best one - in a free minute while I decided what needed to be done next...
"Hey mom, can I watch TV?"
Is this a joke?
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I have a peedini too. Fortunataly for me he likes to do it in water bottles and juice containers and such. I think part of him hopes someone will drink it. The bad part is the pee in his room has encouraged our cats to also pee in there. Yuck! We don't have a basement. We do in our house take the wireless router to our room at night as well as the box that goes to the satalite and we take the cord to the base for the cordless phones. We have a box of stuff we gather at night to keep our teens from haveing too much fun. (also game consoles) I also totally understand the feeling like a warden feeling.
ReplyDeleteYou know, honestly, after this post he sounds more FAS than RAD. The illogic, the lack of ability to predict behavior and consequences, the inability to lie when taken off guard etc. TO ME -- I do think more than an attachment disordered kid you are dealing a brain issue. I say that only because (for me) its sometimes easier to deal with a peeing(have one too), destructive, sneaky and lying child when you understand that their brain is damaged vs. they are simply trying to drive you crazy because they dont love you. My son would ask EXACTLY the same thing your son did (Can I watch tv after being in trouble for watching tv in the first place) and then totally NOT REALLY GET why why why why that was such a stupid question. Have you considered those sorts of assessments? My son has no other effects from alcohol/drug exposure except that frontal cortex self-reflection stuff. It made so much sense once we read the profile and assessment.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to hear that, at least, we aren't alone...
ReplyDeleteJens - during his school testing for special ed, he passed every test (granted many by only 1 or 2 points), so when I've mentioned FAE to them - they shrug me off that an FAE kiddo couldn't pass all those tests. Do you believe that to be true?
After you have a dx on that - does it change a lot...can that get the child a 504, etc. How do you find a good testing facility or doctor?
Our son is on the honor roll (with some TA support and mild adaptations) ... so yes I think a FAE kid can be VERY smart (effects for us include emotional regulation, impulse control, capacity to predict time/distance and consequences). And yes our son consistently scored one or two percentage points ABOVE what he needed to to get support -- for us, we were able to use a psych diagnosis of "complex child and youth" and some ODD stuff to get the "mental health" diagnosis to qualify for the TA support in school (for behavioral issues) but the REALITY of our kid is that he doesnt really misbehave in school, but needs the academic support -- so we use that TA funding that he gets for "behavioral" to use for academics ... and he succeeds. We are VERY VERY blessed/lucky that it worked out like that.
ReplyDeleteI would fight for the assessment. Up here we actually have FAE/FAS clinics that do the assessments.