Monday, April 5, 2010

Pull him out...REALLY?

I'm mad.
Really, really, really mad.
I have, once again, picked up my fight with the school district to hold my child back - retain him - to use correct language. In all realms, it's parent choice...I cannot think of a single reason to let him move on right now. They won't qualify him for services - so getting 'extra help' is not a viable option.
All the reasons they give me OVER AND OVER are pointless in our world. They don't want to hear all the reasons why he should not move on...I get the same line - he passes.
I sent the official "I'm not listening to your crap anymore and you WILL do what I say" email last week to the principal. He called me back today to let me know (wait for it) that my son doesn't feel he needs to be held back. WTF? I hate that teen lingo, but I'd also like to keep this blog remotely 'clean' - so let me say it again...WTF?
How, in the name of all that's good, did he think it was ok to pull my kid out and get his opinion on this? Don't get me wrong - we aren't lying to DS2. He knows. And, at home, he doesn't care...even dares us to hold him back. I've written numerous emails and letters explaining where we are - where he is...and the one thing I've consistently pointed out is my son's inability to tell the truth - ever.
Then, the principal tells me that in the 20 minutes he spent with son, "He seems so in touch with his emotions about this". Huh? RAD kid - feeling in tune with emotions - faking it with an outsider...NO WAY, right?

I cannot fathom.

I've told this man a million times that DS2 has RAD...that DD has RAD. I've given materials on RAD, I've offered to hold meetings and explain what this means. I continue to be told that he 'gets RAD' and he 'knows all about RAD'. For the record - a firm belief I hold is that...

You don't know about RAD unless you've lived with RAD.
A therapist that hasn't raised a RAD kid should NOT be preaching about RAD.
Reading it and living it are not even in the same hemisphere.
It would be like me telling a cancer survivor that they really shouldn't have worried about it.
I don't know what that feels like. Thank God.
And, trust me...YOU (Mr. Principal) don't know what my son is going through after hanging out with him for 20 have not got a clue.

I told him that I was about to become the exact poster of what I already know I am. A raving lunatic mother with a big ole chip on my shoulder. I'm not going to lose.

I had lunch with a fellow mom raising special needs kiddos. We were discussing the things we'd gained/learned from raising these kids...from the whole process - what it did/is doing to us.

I learned that I can pretty much do anything. That, sadly, you sometimes have to be a complete B*tch to get things done for your children that seem basic to me.

I'm not giving up. I know for SURE that he needs another year. You can rattle off fact after fact about how retention doesn't work and I have a reason for every one of yours about why that does NOT apply to my boy. I am at a point where I don't care. I've got nothing to lose. He is NOT going to the next grade. I've asked for this for 4 years now...and this time, I'm not lying down and letting them decide for me. No more.



  1. I totally understand. My kids school just doesn't get it either.

  2. I hear ya! Sounds like he goes to M's school. They 'know all about RAD ' too. Yup, they are RAD experts. Get this, the other day she had a substitute and she missed 3 stamps on her behavior chart for calling out, and distracting the other kids, but the sub wrote a note on it saying it was ONLY (she freaking capitalized it!) because she needed help. Oh okay... well what ever happened to RAISING YOUR HAND and ASKING FOR HELP?! Then the stupid woman put a SMILEY face on the bottom of the BAD chart and wrote " GREAT DAY!!!" Great day on WHAT PLANET?!?! Yeah, I'm mad too. Can ya tell? : )

  3. M, I'm wondering if this isn't a good time to also work on a parallel path and seek out an alternative school setting that can provide what DS2 really needs educationally. It's made a HUGE difference with our older. HUGE. While we had the cooperation of the school district, we likely would have worked for it anyway if they didn't run with the ball...

    For her, the 1:1 to 3:1 student/teacher ratio and curriculum tailored to her specific learning needs and abilities has moved her to being an A and B student in only a few months...and without the overstimulation and angst that the large school environment brought. (resulting in several very difficult episodes of time away from school and home)