DS1 is struggling. Yes, he's a teenager and I did know it was coming...but I think I've turned a blind eye to a lot that's been going on. Sometimes my plate is just so full with RAD that I assumed he'd get through it. Of course, I ask him questions and try to stay close and available, but lately, he's been pushing away and I let him.
Today he came home from school with scratches on his neck. The story is really unimportant - he was hurt by a kid at school...but hazy is the fact that he started it. His anger is boiling over. When I tried asking about it and looking at it, I was told that I was being stupid and it's no big deal - definitely NOT a fight! Anything that ends in physical injury is a fight to me. I tried to talk, he interupted - because he is smarter than me. I was calm, but hurt. I cried. He eventually told me that he is a bad person because I'm a bad person and he has no one to look up to. He went on to say that he hates living here...hates the stress...hates living with people who constantly are in a state of awareness. There is no relaxation here. He said I'm a bad parent because I haven't been able to make them better.
I have let him down too.