Monday, October 26, 2009

I fought RAD and the RAD won

Oh my goodness. Seven days in the paradise of the tropics and I returned feeling more stressed and tired than I've felt in a long time. I've decided I am REALLY thankful for school. DD for 24/7 is a battle I just can't win anymore. Don't worry...I'll rally...but vacation was not fun.
Her control battle was raging. If we said "sit there" - she'd sit in any other chair but the one we pointed out. If we said "we are going to the pool" - she'd head to the beach. But, probably the worst part of it was her false allegations - ON VACATION. She told strangers that we hurt her. Everytime I took her hand or scooted her over - she'd scream "OW you are hurting me" - at lunch, at the show, at the beach, at the airport, on the freakin' plane. It didn't matter...she wanted me to go down in flames.
DH doesn't always see all of this. Even I have to admit that it was at it's worst on the trip.
The boys were not good either. DS2 went for a lie record each and every day and DS1 was just mean to everyone. We probably looked like a load of fun. Crazed daughter (the look in her eye half the time was literally crazed)...angry sons and tired, dejected parents. Up to this point, vacations had been a bright spot - they were good travelers. I plan on never vacationing least not with children.


  1. M's RAD won this week even after I swore out loud that I would win this battle. I lost. I'm a loser. I realized why this morning as I was crying. I HAVE FEELINGS? She has NONE! How can I compete against that? It's not possible?! She's going to win! I'm human. She's a robot. There is no such thing as vacations anymore BTW. Even I know that! : ) Kidding.

  2. M, I get exhausted just reading about your issues with the kiddos! Sorry your vacation sucked, I can only imagine how hard this is for you and DH. Maybe that the key from now on, you and DH go on vacation alone :), together and have couple time! Kids go "wherever" (family, friends, anyone/or any organization that can help). You are on a very tough road and if you do not take care of your own mental well being as well as your marriage then I am not sure where things will end up. Something to think about anyway!

  3. I know it would probably make you feel guilty but consider planning the next vacation with DS1 and DH only. Only whne your other 2 show more respect to you they can come along.

  4. One of the things we found most helpful for our marriage was for my husband and I to see a counselor once or twice a month -- just the two of us. The only things my husband and I ever fought about were the kids since my husband didn't get to see all the RAD behaviors. The counselor helped us work through our differences and was an excellent coach for us in dealing with out RAD children. We always joked the reason we stayed married was we were each afraid we'd get sole custody of the children!

    For vacations, we usually rented a house at the beach so everyone could just go their own way. We took the Playstation and if they wanted to stay in the beach house and play video games all day, that just gave my husband and I time for walks on the beach without them. Also gave us some time alone with the non-RAD child.

  5. I know of a family that has cards made up with info on RAD and when their child starts to exhibit behaviours with strangers, they hand them a card to explain the situation. It may be a bit personal but they find that it works for them.