Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Didn't you smell the mustard?

We have many special little jokes in our house...some are really hilarious and others are only funny to my sweet husband and I. As I've mentioned before, we've found that if you don't laugh at RAD, you cry as it's sweeping you down the river to your eventual demise!!! So, we've coined Mr. Opposite as the name for those times when one or more of the kids will say that EVERYTHING we say is totally wrong. This happens in every house...you know how you may say "I'm making chicken for dinner tonight" and the smarty pants sitting near you will say "You didn't make chickens, God did"...or some other such crap. Yeah, that is Mr. Opposite.
In our house he takes many forms but is generally always present. Today DS2 came home from school covered in yellow stuff - pretty easy to see on a bright blue sweatshirt. I bowed to my own parently pressure of wanting to know...
Mom: What's that yellow stuff?
DS2: What yellow stuff? (as he's staring at it)
Mom: That (pointing to the whole sweatshirt)
DS2: Must be mustard
Mom: Ok...did you notice it was all over you?
DS2: I didn't put it there.
Mom: Wow...it just jumped up and attacked you?
DS2: My sandwich dropped it.
Mom: (walking away) That was a very mean sandwich, I hope you made it strong sit!

Incredible! That darn sandwich. Later, when told to be sure and spray and wash the sweatshirt (and please take it off before you smush the stuff all over your bedspread) - it was with great labor that he went downstairs and did the job the sandwich obviously should have done.

In crosstalk a bit later, I pointed out to myself that I wasn't going to take anyone who lies with me to Disney World...Mickey does not approve of lying and there was no way I was going to get in his bad graces by showing up with people unaccustomed to the truth. My daughter started crying. Please note: I was not talking to her or to him...I was talking in their vicinity. This is a trick I got from their therapist and I notice that it does get their attention. Since they are both quite the eavesdroppers...it seems that they really listen when they think I'm NOT talking to them. So, DS2 whom I was hoping to 'get' with my line said nothing...DD cried for a while. When I asked what was wrong while still feigning innocence that she had heard my self-talk, she said "I was really looking forward to Disney". Well...then tell the truth...

I got a snuggly for Valentine's Day - you know the blankets with arms. That has also been a long running joke in my house, because I'm always cold in the evenings and lo and behold - there is sat when I got up on Sunday. It's pink...and flawed by design. What woman actually can just sit on the couch for periods of time. I'm constantly pausing a show to redirect kids or change loads of laundry or clean up left over dishes. Heck even if you just shift slightly, drafts come in toward your backside. So, I tried wearing it with the opening at the front and I tied it shut with a belt. That worked better...then I created what I wanted out of it. I sewed on fabric scraps in order to tie it shut in 3 places down my front. If I'm moving a lot, I only use the middle tie...if I'm sitting I tie it shut at my neck and legs. However, the sleeves are too long for real work - so my next task is to figure out a way to hitch them up and down. When I am done I think I should sell my new design to the snuggli people. And yes, you can tell I'm randomly excited about this whole project!

DS1 had his first date on Monday. Lunch at Red Robin and an IMAX showing of Avatar. I got to pick them all up and drive (I seriously volunteered) and the girls were very polite. I've gotten basically no updates, no info...it's killing me. There is a thin line between forcing a teen to talk and hoping that they will. DH is better at that line than me - he can somehow joke around and get a bit of info. However, I do note that DS1 speaks loudly to his friends and gives them lots of info and I wonder if he does it on purpose...I'm a good eavesdropper too. He has to know that, right?


  1. Geesh, you're pretty creative,eh?

  2. Great post, M.

    So...that "little kid" I first met in Moscow is dating now, eh? LOL Wow, time flies...