Some little piece of me is a perfectionist. Ok, maybe a slightly larger chunk than I'd like to admit. Maybe perfection isn't the word - and really, in the life I have right now, perfection would be an improbability - it's just the striving for it. I like to do the best I can at whatever I do. I like the feeling of knowing I did my best and I even like the drive it creates in me when I know I didn't. Growing up I was mortified to get a B and honestly, never got anything lower. All this to say that it's hard to watch a child that doesn't seem to want the best for themselves.
We are still in a rut with DS2. He just doesn't have that fire - about anything. I'm doing a much better job of living with what he calls life...his choices, not mine. I stay out of homework and honestly, I've stopped fighting the school. The hard part of that for me is that I feel like I've stopped fighting for HIM. I know that I'm right about what he needs. I sincerely believe that I know best for my son. And, it's impossible to mesh the two things. Have I given up on him? He's a confusing young man. He is not screwing around during homework time - he truthfully sits at his desk and works...for a LONG time. He gets upset if I tell him homework time is over and he's not done. He wants to finish - but he doesn't seem to want to finish right. Or, a sad thought for me - is that maybe he can't finish right. But, that returns me to the fact that he needs something that the school is not admitting. So, when he brought his homework down tonight (after 2 hours and 15 minutes to do 16 math problems, alphabetize a list of 15 words and answer 2 questions about his 30 minutes of reading), I simply said "did you do the best you could do?"...and he stared at me. No answer.
I looked over the work later and it wasn't good. Then I pondered - would he really waste 2 hours of his life to purposefully do it wrong? And, if he is trying his hardest - how can there not be a learning disability of some kind to make him miss 8 out of 10 problems and leave 6 blank (remember, that amount of work took him over an hour)? I'm at a loss. I hope to see him make something great of himself...I do.
DD has consistently asked to make her hair blonder...for YEARS. I've preached the good line of "you are beautiful like you are" and "you don't want to mess with your hair so young". Then, she had these last 3 weeks. They've been tough for her...I would categorize her as depressed. My heart breaks for the princess and I got the idea to just do it. She and I together could color her hair. I bought the kit - read all the directions - changed my mind about 30 times and then saw her getting off the bus. I was excited! I brought her in with the big TA-DA and showed her what we were going to do. After a minor freak out about getting burned by the solution - she settled in and we spent the next 105 minutes playing hair salon. She laughed, I laughed...we hugged and bonded for that time. She sat still (perhaps the most accomplished part of the evening). The boys got interested in the process and hung around a bit to 'watch'...in the end, her hair was a bit blonder than I'd planned...but she had a huge grin and couldn't wait to show it off. The joy was worth it. I may have created a monster - one I hope never has purple hair...but for now, we have a real live barbie living in our house (yes, it's THAT blonde)!
DS1 is doing well...baseball starts in one week and he's excited. His grades are good and he is happy overall. Sometimes I'm amazed he can sustain that in this craziness!
And...to end with the best of the week...
DD to me in explanation of why I'm only her second favorite mom (compared to Russian mom)
"Well, you haven't even let me have the tiniest iPod ever made"