Friday, February 13, 2009

St. Valentine is coming

Happy almost Valentine's Day! Today are class parties and I, once again, am a room mother - but, I am putting down in writing that this is my last year. I figured out that I've attended the equivilent of 15 years worth of class parties and probably planned about 12 of those. I know that so many people do it...but I'm tired and not enjoying it anymore. I sent DD off today dressed for the occasion because I figure it's about the last year she'll let me put a heart dangling hair band on the top of her head! It was a rush job and a little sticky up when she left, but it's snowy and freezing here and she'll have on a hat anyway - well, I won't look good!

During my time away this week I've been watching my house get painted. I forget how clean everything feels after a fresh coat of paint. All signs of children and dogs (and me) are gone for now. I, of course, took this opportunity to move things around and buy some new things for the house. It's all put together and I'm happy with it and enjoying it!

We have a Valentine's tradition - we eat at the same restaurant every year and go around the table and tell the one thing we love the most about each other person. Cheesy? Yes...but I want my kids to grow up with those type of traditions. This year, DS1 tried to skate and get out of our evening. I do realize that someday there will be girlfriends and boyfriends and probably the need to have a Valentine other than me. However, that year is not now. He's was bothered that I wouldn't let him go with his friend to the Mammoth game (professional lacrosse...who knew?). I stood firm and DH backed me up. We also declined his request to fly off with said friend for spring break this year. Mostly because it doesn't seem fair to spend that money on just him when the rest of us will be home to 'save money'. So, in his world - I'm really upsetting the fruit basket. His grades are going down a bit and he is so moody and wants to be alone a lot - I think I've seen one too many 'keep your kids off drugs' commercials, because I became convinced that he was doing something in that realm. Bugged DH about it a lot and then sat DS1 down to talk about it. Apparently that is a ridiculous thing for me to ask - "where would I get that?" was his stock answer. But, would a kid ever admit it? I used to think it was weird when parents secretly went through rooms and backpacks and even took hairs in for, I can see myself doing it. He's not away from me enough to do it, right? I really don't think he's doing it - but I am worried about how I'll fare through HS if I'm this preoccupied now. I think I'll need some prozac or a large bottle of rum.

DS2 is cruising right along. He's doing really well. I am celebrating on the inside. He is not 'getting it' in school - but behavior is much better and I have to be happy with where he's at. I don't know if it is that he hit rock bottom and had nowhere to go but up - or our therapy is showing breakthroughs or the drugs are helping or all three...but so much better. He's REALLY into art right now and spends a lot of time drawing and creating. I followed through with a 'law' I'd laid down...his room is always a mess and he hides it. Under the bed, behind the bed...I told him I would put it all in the trash or donation from now on. Two days later I took 2 trash bags full of stuff from his room. I stored it downstairs to see if/when he asked for it. About a week later he finally noticed that something was missing. I said, well - it's being donated...took you a week to notice...can't be that important. He didn't argue. I guess he's more of a keeper than I knew. Some of the stuff was trash. I'm checking more often now!

DD is not doing better - she's so tiring lately. I feel terrible because spending time with her is a major chore now. I know she needs it and is crying out for it...but I can't always do it. She is pushing hard and lying and whining and being an overall energy sap. I'm continuing with restitution and she does that without complaint - almost as though she likes being 'consequenced'. She showed me a bruise last night and said that I did it. The lying to my face is ridiculous. I started to ask how I did it - but a more pointless question has never existed. Who knows what she has concocted in her mind? I'm praying for relief with her meds! I'd like to get her involved in some activities again - she has so much energy - but I can't do that until she is more even. She was trying to draw me in with a math test prep packet last night. I do want to help and sat down with her one on one to discuss the problems she didn't get - I still struggle with letting her fail. She admitted this week that she is not listening to the lessons, because she tries to get her work done during that time (even though she hasn't heard how to do that work). So, we are sitting and working and she's fake yawning, wiggling her teeth, blowing her nose - anything except listening to me. I would stop and wait for her attention and get it for 2 minutes and then back to the craziness. After 30 minutes of this I said - "put it away and move on with your day, you aren't ready to learn right now - go vacuum my room since you took my time and weren't respectful of it". She cried, put away her sheets, told me she'd flunk her test because I couldn't teach her math to her, and then smiled and ran to get the vacuum. It's like living with multiple personalities.


  1. My boy does the same fake yawning, scratching, sniffing, etc. Makes me crazy!! He has gotten a little better - but every discussion we have that he doesn't like has to be punctuated with "please look at me, please stop drumming, hold your hands still, you are being rude, etc. etc." Very tiring. I'm a big believer in calling my kid on lies like "I'm going to flunk because you wouldn't help me." I'm always saying "who is responsible for this? Whose job is this? That's a lie." It's been five years, but he actually does a lot less of the blaming me for his problems now. And lately he's even begun to show some willingness to share his emotions which is a huge breakthrough. (Talk to me in a week and I'm sure I'll give you a different take!!) Hang in there!!

  2. My daughter would think it a reward if I told her to go vacuum. Heck, she would jump for joy if I handed her a toilet plunger! I have not found a consequence that works with her. She doesn't care about anything. And that lying right to your face? She has done that twice in the past week or so, but it seemed so real that I almost believed her. Is was weird. I think she REALLY believed herself. Is this possible? Or is she just THAT good?