jump on the mania merry go round

For today, it is DD riding high...but I don't doubt that I'll wake tomorrow with my own level of mania. It seems that I always have a high (not the good kind) after a tough few days with her. We had therapy yesterday and I figured out a few things. One: therapy first thing in the morning does not, in fact, make it easier - it just gives it a chance to ruin the rest of my day and gives her time to figure out a way to make our evening even MORE fun than usual. Two: I believe she is coming to terms with some things - I just wish I could weed out the real from the fabricated. On the way to our appointment she announces that she misses her birth family. Honestly, she's never said that before. She comments on them and compares me to them (I always lose somehow)...but missing has not come up. I wanted to build on it - why am I always driving when this deeper stuff comes up - in snow, in the mountains...my concentration was lacking on our conversation. So, I told her that honestly and by the time I was able to re-address - she's decided it didn't matter. Crap...
Three: She does not like Super X, our therapist. She threw his pillows and got angry and humphed and hawed and basically therapy talked him until we were all blue in the face. She's already too good at therapy - she knows what to say. Four: She'll now lie about me RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Let's see - I don't feed her all the time (she could remember one time that she supposedly didn't have dinner...I do not remember that time) - I hit her with a paddle EVERY day (I'll admit there is a paddle at my house...and it has come out as a scare tactic and she and her brothers were caught spanking each other to see what it felt like...) Alas, I laughed and she turned and looked me in the eye and said "What?"

So, DS1 is doing comparative writing right now in class. His analysis are at a higher level, but when we were driving and DS2 and DD were missing reading/writing at school - I asked them to write a comparative paper. We talked about what that meant. (wait, door opening in other room...must go see) Ok, she is not escaping or running away...back to my thoughts! Anyway, I told them to compare two things they knew a lot about. DS2 came up with Russia and America. That was the 'idea' - I expected things like "Russia has old buildings and America has some newer buildings" - "In Russia, I lived in an apartment. In America, I live in a house." Well...they both went a different direction. The best line was "In Russia my mother was never home or when she was she came home drunk. In America, my mother is ALWAYS home and she's usually not drunk when I get off the school bus."
Good to know...pretty sure I don't start drinking that early! That was DDs paper...

DS2 is doing well - really well - in most regards. Our residual issues right now are stupid questions and answering everything with "I don't know". As Super X pointed out - I don't know really means "I don't care to think about what you are asking me right now". We came up with some plans to help him through that and shared the plans with him. Overall though - I am impressed with his attachment right now. That's bigger than most things I've ever said. I actually have been feeling ATTACHMENT from him. Like coming to me for hugs and kisses and offering kind words and deeds without asking. I can honestly say that most of the annoyance is not attachment based and in fact, there is little annoyance in general with sweet boy right now.

Ah, but don't worry - I still have plenty to write because DD-precious girl is on a tear. BTW, she's in pay back mode right now. Wasted about 45 minutes this morning with drama and lies and so, she's cleaning the dog hair off my couch right now. I hate that chore...and I'm selling the couch tomorrow at my garage sale. Can I also say that this garage sale is partially causing the mania in DD? She can't handle any change - no matter how long or short lived. While it is sad, I'm also tired...