Today I met a neighbor that I've seen around with her dog. I was pulling weeds at the foreclosed home across the street (hey, it's still a house I have to look at) and she walked by. I'm a friendly bloke and said hello. We chatted.
I'm a pretty open book.
She asked where DS2 had gone...she used to see him at the bus stop and noticed he was gone this year. So, I told her. I didn't share gory details, but just that he is at a boarding school and is very happy there. I did tell her about his joining the family five years ago and that so many things about family were hard for him.
Then she tells me a story.
She bought a dog. The dog howled at night. The dog was mean to her first dog. The dog just didn't fit in her family...so, she sent him to a foster doggie home.
Therefore...
She said...
She totally gets what it's like to 'send a child away'.
OK, really?
Hubby and I have a 90-10 rule. Ninety percent of people in America are idiots. Maybe not in all parts of their lives - but at some point. Heck, I've hit in the 90 before. Today, she made me know my rule is right. I mean...REALLY?
I know that I speak 'lightly' about the subject sometimes. That is because it's tough to be sad all the time...it's tough on even him...while he doesn't seem to care if I'm sad - it does something to him. It does something to me when he's sad. I can't tell you the relief I feel when I speak with him and he's excited and happy. Yep, broken hearted on the inside because he can't have that here with me, but so darn pleased that he's got happiness in his life - wherever that means he has to be.
However, speaking lightly does NOT mean that I would equate our situation with my son with the puppy who couldn't stay.
Really?
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Which is why I despise the billboards that advocate "adopting" a puppy.
ReplyDeleteWow. I would like to say I have never heard anything so asinine. But, unfortunately, I would be lying.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you ran into an idiot.
hmmn Im going to play devil's advocate here...sometimes folks have no words or no personal experience in which to relate to someone else's challenges & obvious pain so they reach down & maybe try to find something similar -To show compassion - to say they know you are feeling sad.. some folks love animals like family members. A good fit into a family is exactly what all of us adoptive parents dream of... maybe she was empathizing with the hurt & loss when you want something so bad but it wasnt meant to be.. on some level she may understand your sadness & situation but wasnt able to articultae it properly... on the other hand my staff had to pull me off of a client who looked down her nose & sneered at me...
ReplyDelete"I heard you bought a kid in Russia.".... um ya... sign me Mary Sunshine who still begs & wants to believe the rule is really closer to 70-30!! hugs..Rainy
You write in a public blog about all the problems you have with your adopted children - problems that many people already know and would never make the decision to adopt - but who nevertheless sympathize with you and don't think you are an idiot while all along you think most other people are idiots? You don't understand how a person could possibly feel terrible for the loss of a dog? Who are YOU to judge them so poorly?You have a lot of nerve lady!
ReplyDeleteEw, ew, ew....I absolutely despise it when people equate feelings/experiences for/with animals to those with atual people in general.
ReplyDeleteAnd this? This is just stupid. Making arrangements for a pet and making arrangements for a human family member are two entirely different things.
It may be closer to a 95-5 ratio....
First, some people do identify closely with their pets (I work in a vet hospital that has equipment that many human hospitals would kill for and people spend unreal amounts for their pet to receive care, even in this recession). So, maybe on her level, you sending your son away is the same to her as her sending her pet away.
ReplyDeleteAlso, at least she's not condemning your choice for your son. My DD1 has been in RTC since June, and there prob til Christmas. Was there last year from Oct-Jan. Many people somehow blame us for getting our daughter the help she needs (sometimes, however, we lose to the insurance company, hence the discharge in Jan when she wasn't ready). Some just can't understand that home isn't always the best place to be for a child.
Maybe you have helped open a door for this woman to understand something outside her protected little world.
You sent your kid away. Into exile. And claimed to do it out of "love" for him.
ReplyDeleteBecause you show your love to your hubby by sending him far, far away?
You reap what you sow, lady.