Friday, February 11, 2011

Why do we cry?

I have not been very good at coming over here and posting lately. I think I'm trying to ignore so much of what's going on...and it's hard to write about it when you are ignoring it.

A few notes of late:
My grandmama is sick and not doing well overall. I'm going to head home to see her - because I absolutely cannot stand the feeling of being this far away. I feel so connected to her and while there are reasons, what I'm feeling now seems somewhat unreasonable. I cry a lot and randomly and she's still here. She hurts and I don't want her to. Anyway, soon I'll spend a few days with her - away from the rest of life and I'll always know I had that time.

DS1 and DD are both doing well. There is a calm here right now, but an underlying stress about DS2...always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We are working on solutions for the long term, but it's still hard to think beyond tomorrow. He's safe where he is and seems to be doing well there - although I did find out that he and some other boys broke into the school store last night. It doesn't sound major - but it also doesn't sound like great progress from the things he's done before. I'm just not sure there is some fabulous answer that solves every issue.

I feel as though I'm grieving him's hard to look at pictures and some of those tears I'm shedding are for him or from him or over him...all mixed up.


  1. I first "met" you on the russian adoption forums and have enjoyed reading your honest heart warming story. I am glad to see you have posted and update, I know its hard to keep up with but please know people look forward to your posts. I am happy to hear the kids are doing good but sad to hear about your grandmother. Cry, its good to let it out.

  2. So good to 'hear' from you. I'm touched that folks keep up with us. I do remember you and hope you are well!

  3. I've been thinking of you lately and wanting to send you an email. I'm sorry that your Grandmama is not feeling well. I hope you are able to have some special time with her. I don't even know what to say about the school store incident. You take things much better than I do. I'm not sure if you had to learn to do this or if this is just who you are. Either way, I am trying to be more like that.