Sometimes you just have to cry. I hold it in a lot...especially in front of the kids. It's incredibly sad to know that my crying means they'll feel they've won. But, tonight was the night. I'm mourning for things I'll never have. Normal - even the new one I've been trying to nail down...seems to always be right out of reach.
DD has a big performance tomorrow. I have been SO excited for her and for us - really, our family. This camp has taken a lot of time and she's worked hard. While she knew she had my support, I toned down my excitement for her because it's overwhelming for her sometimes. She's the star of this show tomorrow...tumbling, cheering, stunting...it felt so good to know how proud she could be of herself - HOW PROUD I am of her! Tonight she goes out to ride her scooter and it somehow turns into catastrophe. She comes in with a totally split lip - in three places. Blood everywhere and stories flying. Thank heavens DH was here - I'm bad with blood and the moments around that were flying. Once a calm set in I realized that she'll look like a mac truck hit her for the performance tomorrow. Forget the make-up she's supposed to wear...she may have black eyes and the whole package. Then I remember that she never cried. Not at all...
She and DS2 did this mess together and basically he ran into her face after she fell down with his bike. I don't believe a word of the story we were told. Neither of them cares.
I don't want to go tomorrow...I'm tired of explaining stuff and feeling embarrassed. I'm tired. I let it go...
Friday, July 17, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
busy bees....bzzzz, bzzzz
We've been busy! I think everyone in our family rarely knows if we are coming and going and somehow, we are often doing both. There is some street maintenance going out right on our corner and one day the 'stop sign lady' actually walked to my driveway to ask me where I go all day!
I do have to say that our overscheduled summer has kept the incidences to a minimum. I would say the hardest couple of things going on right now are that the boys' want little to nothing to do with DD. She is a bit clingy because they are staying away from her. So, sad little girl mopes around our house with 'nothing to do'. That is why her camps are a savior this summer. The second thing that is happening is stupid questions! They are just getting worse. I'm hanging on, but wondering what brings this back up so often around here. Our therapist says that if a child wakes up every day and pretends to a be a chicken - soon they'll forget how to be a kid. So, my kids have woken up so many days and pretended to be stupid that they've forgotten how to be smart. They are SO smart...I can see things in them that I know are gifts - but unused for sure! I think part of my job is to remind them how smart they are.
I have come to start saying "there you go" all bubbly like when they get something right! At a concert the other night, DS2 looked at me and said "I feel stupid when you say that". Bummer. When I think I'm doing something right - it's not!
We had family in town last week and we had a great time. We rafted the Arkansas River and hit some class 2 and 3 rapids. DD rode right up front and was crazy brave...just so little fear in her. Thankfully her self harming is getting much better and she seems proud of seeing her legs clear up...however, there are still mysterious spots that show up from nowhere!
I get to find out who the kids teachers' are on Wednesday. I must admit that I have some nervous feelings about this. I just want to know that this will be a good year...and I feel like the teacher decision is a big part of that. On the school front - I can't believe that DS2 is going into 6th grade...can't believe it so much that I'm dying to hold him back. I feel scared for him...his maturity, his attention span and his size even. I don't want him to have to be the 'little' guy his whole school life. DH says we need to let him go through 6th this year and re-evaluate before he moves on to middle school. I'm open to that...but will be hard core about letting him move on again! His grades are fine...it's the other stuff that gets me all worked up.
Can't believe I have an 8th grader this year or that little girl is going into 4th. I'm amazed at how quickly time flies! Tomorrow we are off to a HUGE water park and I'm hoping for a good day!
Sleep away camp starts on Sunday with DS1 heading off first. I have to figure out this week how to put all his 'stuff' into one backpack...he may not get to be as big a fashion plate as usual!
Hope all your summer's are going well.
I do have to say that our overscheduled summer has kept the incidences to a minimum. I would say the hardest couple of things going on right now are that the boys' want little to nothing to do with DD. She is a bit clingy because they are staying away from her. So, sad little girl mopes around our house with 'nothing to do'. That is why her camps are a savior this summer. The second thing that is happening is stupid questions! They are just getting worse. I'm hanging on, but wondering what brings this back up so often around here. Our therapist says that if a child wakes up every day and pretends to a be a chicken - soon they'll forget how to be a kid. So, my kids have woken up so many days and pretended to be stupid that they've forgotten how to be smart. They are SO smart...I can see things in them that I know are gifts - but unused for sure! I think part of my job is to remind them how smart they are.
I have come to start saying "there you go" all bubbly like when they get something right! At a concert the other night, DS2 looked at me and said "I feel stupid when you say that". Bummer. When I think I'm doing something right - it's not!
We had family in town last week and we had a great time. We rafted the Arkansas River and hit some class 2 and 3 rapids. DD rode right up front and was crazy brave...just so little fear in her. Thankfully her self harming is getting much better and she seems proud of seeing her legs clear up...however, there are still mysterious spots that show up from nowhere!
I get to find out who the kids teachers' are on Wednesday. I must admit that I have some nervous feelings about this. I just want to know that this will be a good year...and I feel like the teacher decision is a big part of that. On the school front - I can't believe that DS2 is going into 6th grade...can't believe it so much that I'm dying to hold him back. I feel scared for him...his maturity, his attention span and his size even. I don't want him to have to be the 'little' guy his whole school life. DH says we need to let him go through 6th this year and re-evaluate before he moves on to middle school. I'm open to that...but will be hard core about letting him move on again! His grades are fine...it's the other stuff that gets me all worked up.
Can't believe I have an 8th grader this year or that little girl is going into 4th. I'm amazed at how quickly time flies! Tomorrow we are off to a HUGE water park and I'm hoping for a good day!
Sleep away camp starts on Sunday with DS1 heading off first. I have to figure out this week how to put all his 'stuff' into one backpack...he may not get to be as big a fashion plate as usual!
Hope all your summer's are going well.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Plug in for summer!
I feel like I haven't written in forever...need to catch up. Summer is getting the best of me for sure.
First - I want to make a couple of plugs. An 'adoption' friend has written a book about adopting an older child from Russia...there aren't a lot out there and I want everyone to buy, buy, buy this book to show that we all want to know more. I'm going to be lucky enough to review the book for Grown in my Heart and am looking forward to reading it. It's called Adopting Alesia and is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Second plug - www.growninmyheart.com has published their first e-book. It's on having a culture camp in your home. There are tons of great ideas for many sending countries and it's focused on kids who either don't want to go/or are too young to go...please check it out and support a new adoption site. If you can't buy the book...at least go and read - great writers over there (including me - Voni)!
On to our life!
The summer is going well and we are busy most of the time. I really may have overscheduled a bit...but baseball in over until August for DS1 and track is over for DS2...that frees up some weekend time. We've had swimming lessons, cheer/hip-hop camp, softball, day trips and upcoming camps including weight training, sports camp, architecture camp and sleep away camps for all three kids. We have family coming into town next week - which means fun stuff like rafting, hiking cool trails and baseball games! There are days that I run kids to and fro from 9am to 7pm. But, they are overall staying busy and that's good!
The boys are in a hot and cold relationship. DS1 has gotten himself in hot water with his attitude again...so lots of free time on his hands to spend with the dogs (see him if you'd like to know how to get a dog to puke on your bed in 15 short minutes) and his sibs. There have been a lot of frisbee games in the backyard, until a younger one gets fed up with the competitive attitude of big bro. So many excuses - so little time in his life. I can't quite get a handle on him. He has been staying home a lot (even when not in trouble) and seeming very needy of my time and attention...but doesn't actually want to talk about anything. Just wants to invade my space. On the upside he is incredibly helpful around the house. He can nearly make a meal on his own now - definitely helps pack lunches for camps and laundry gets done quickly. Part of that is him being in my realm...if he's going to stand right by me - he should be busy. Sometimes he loses interest mid-task and that can be frustrating for me. Lots of pots boiling over and laundry getting wrinkled from sitting too long in baskets. But, being honest - that would happen if I was totally in charge also!
DS2 and DD were home for 10 minutes alone the other day. They had been plugged in most of the day...watching movies, playing Xbox, listening to music....and, just as I knew would happen - it all blew up. When I got home there were two angry, screaming kids. So and so spit first, then so and so threw first one down and both are hurt and mad and tattling like crazy. Imagine their surprise when they both ended up in trouble! Don't know why the shock...
So, neither has any plug in time right now - if you can't stand the heat...I'll get you out of the kitchen! This leaves plenty of wandering around the house with looks of boredom on faces. Those looks earn worksheets. So, really, they'll be prepared for school this year!
DS2 is totally back in swing with the stupid questions. I'm holding it together with 'what do you think?' responses...but I must say that I'm happy to see him hit the sheets at night. A red car drives past us and he asks "was that a red car?" Doesn't seem big until it happens 2,000,000 times a day. We attended an outdoor concert/movie the other night in a gorgeous spot nearby. I finally had to ask him to move away from me (switch spots) because I couldn't handle anymore. Then he tells me how mean I am. I want to shout "I'm only mean because you are a jerk with these stupid questions"...but I'm trying to exhibit control. I am the adult after all.
Cool little fact...we sat right by Annasophia Robb - the girl from Bridge to Terabithia and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Of course, none of us knew it. At the end of the movie a lady accosted her for an autograph and we put two and two together. Wish we could say we were more 'in tune'...kids didn't notice either!
I hope all your summers are going well!
First - I want to make a couple of plugs. An 'adoption' friend has written a book about adopting an older child from Russia...there aren't a lot out there and I want everyone to buy, buy, buy this book to show that we all want to know more. I'm going to be lucky enough to review the book for Grown in my Heart and am looking forward to reading it. It's called Adopting Alesia and is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Second plug - www.growninmyheart.com has published their first e-book. It's on having a culture camp in your home. There are tons of great ideas for many sending countries and it's focused on kids who either don't want to go/or are too young to go...please check it out and support a new adoption site. If you can't buy the book...at least go and read - great writers over there (including me - Voni)!
On to our life!
The summer is going well and we are busy most of the time. I really may have overscheduled a bit...but baseball in over until August for DS1 and track is over for DS2...that frees up some weekend time. We've had swimming lessons, cheer/hip-hop camp, softball, day trips and upcoming camps including weight training, sports camp, architecture camp and sleep away camps for all three kids. We have family coming into town next week - which means fun stuff like rafting, hiking cool trails and baseball games! There are days that I run kids to and fro from 9am to 7pm. But, they are overall staying busy and that's good!
The boys are in a hot and cold relationship. DS1 has gotten himself in hot water with his attitude again...so lots of free time on his hands to spend with the dogs (see him if you'd like to know how to get a dog to puke on your bed in 15 short minutes) and his sibs. There have been a lot of frisbee games in the backyard, until a younger one gets fed up with the competitive attitude of big bro. So many excuses - so little time in his life. I can't quite get a handle on him. He has been staying home a lot (even when not in trouble) and seeming very needy of my time and attention...but doesn't actually want to talk about anything. Just wants to invade my space. On the upside he is incredibly helpful around the house. He can nearly make a meal on his own now - definitely helps pack lunches for camps and laundry gets done quickly. Part of that is him being in my realm...if he's going to stand right by me - he should be busy. Sometimes he loses interest mid-task and that can be frustrating for me. Lots of pots boiling over and laundry getting wrinkled from sitting too long in baskets. But, being honest - that would happen if I was totally in charge also!
DS2 and DD were home for 10 minutes alone the other day. They had been plugged in most of the day...watching movies, playing Xbox, listening to music....and, just as I knew would happen - it all blew up. When I got home there were two angry, screaming kids. So and so spit first, then so and so threw first one down and both are hurt and mad and tattling like crazy. Imagine their surprise when they both ended up in trouble! Don't know why the shock...
So, neither has any plug in time right now - if you can't stand the heat...I'll get you out of the kitchen! This leaves plenty of wandering around the house with looks of boredom on faces. Those looks earn worksheets. So, really, they'll be prepared for school this year!
DS2 is totally back in swing with the stupid questions. I'm holding it together with 'what do you think?' responses...but I must say that I'm happy to see him hit the sheets at night. A red car drives past us and he asks "was that a red car?" Doesn't seem big until it happens 2,000,000 times a day. We attended an outdoor concert/movie the other night in a gorgeous spot nearby. I finally had to ask him to move away from me (switch spots) because I couldn't handle anymore. Then he tells me how mean I am. I want to shout "I'm only mean because you are a jerk with these stupid questions"...but I'm trying to exhibit control. I am the adult after all.
Cool little fact...we sat right by Annasophia Robb - the girl from Bridge to Terabithia and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Of course, none of us knew it. At the end of the movie a lady accosted her for an autograph and we put two and two together. Wish we could say we were more 'in tune'...kids didn't notice either!
I hope all your summers are going well!
Friday, June 19, 2009
a reflection on youth sports and terrorism...
Those of you who know us well know that we are a bit on the competitive side. DS1 has always played sports and I'm the first mom jumping up and shouting for both good and bad stuff. I totally get that parents get 'into' the game and I like to see that support. Everyone on our side are also quick to shout out praise for a player on the opposing team - with an extraordinary play...as the boys get older, I notice that we are the only ones doing that anymore. Even if a player is injured on our team - the other teams don't clap when they are ok. I think that stinks. But, there is one team in the league that we've played many times and they have a woman that we have fondly named "al-qaida". She has this yelping, high pitched screamy thing that she does ALL THE TIME. She does it if they do something good, but more bothersome - she does it if we do something bad. Like she's cheering for our downfall. It bugs the crap out of me to say the least. The fact that you can simply say "oh, we are playing al-qaida today" and every man, woman and child knows of whom we speak - well...it's terrible.
Tonight started the play offs. It went into extra innings and we lost by one...very sad and of course the boys were all disappointed. As they went out to shake hands - this woman is shrieking and then all the other parents start laughing at something she says. Of course our team is on their side of the field after the hand shakes - so it seems as though they are laughing AT OUR BOYS.
I did not react well...lots of anger flew out of me. I started laughing real loud and hitting the bleachers - once they were all looking I yelled "ha, ha, it's so funny to make 13 year old boys feel like losers...ha, ha, ha..." They looked shocked and I was burning mad. That was a tough loss - be happy for your kids without making mine feel crappy...
It only got worse. Their scorekeeper came over to tell me how great the boys did and I couldn't stop the verbal cascade. I looked at him and said "that woman is going to really start something bad someday, it's rude and totally unsportsmanlike and what is she teaching your team??? I'm disgusted." He claimed that all the other parents hate it too - well then - STAND UP TO HER.
The boys on our team were fired up about it and they were saying stuff loudly and then come to find out - she is the COACH'S wife. That just makes it worse to me. Why would he let her do that?
I'm not proud of myself - but in 5 years of this league, we've played them over 15 times...and I guess I just lost it a bit. Our coaching staff thought I was hilarious, because they didn't have to say anything - it was just the crazy lady! However, off note is that I am also the coach's wife...ooopppssss. But, DH wasn't upset, so I know I wasn't too nutso!
DS1 went to bed tonight thinking that his strike out is why they lost...tomorrow is another day, another game...no al-qaida!!!
Tonight started the play offs. It went into extra innings and we lost by one...very sad and of course the boys were all disappointed. As they went out to shake hands - this woman is shrieking and then all the other parents start laughing at something she says. Of course our team is on their side of the field after the hand shakes - so it seems as though they are laughing AT OUR BOYS.
I did not react well...lots of anger flew out of me. I started laughing real loud and hitting the bleachers - once they were all looking I yelled "ha, ha, it's so funny to make 13 year old boys feel like losers...ha, ha, ha..." They looked shocked and I was burning mad. That was a tough loss - be happy for your kids without making mine feel crappy...
It only got worse. Their scorekeeper came over to tell me how great the boys did and I couldn't stop the verbal cascade. I looked at him and said "that woman is going to really start something bad someday, it's rude and totally unsportsmanlike and what is she teaching your team??? I'm disgusted." He claimed that all the other parents hate it too - well then - STAND UP TO HER.
The boys on our team were fired up about it and they were saying stuff loudly and then come to find out - she is the COACH'S wife. That just makes it worse to me. Why would he let her do that?
I'm not proud of myself - but in 5 years of this league, we've played them over 15 times...and I guess I just lost it a bit. Our coaching staff thought I was hilarious, because they didn't have to say anything - it was just the crazy lady! However, off note is that I am also the coach's wife...ooopppssss. But, DH wasn't upset, so I know I wasn't too nutso!
DS1 went to bed tonight thinking that his strike out is why they lost...tomorrow is another day, another game...no al-qaida!!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I can't count
We just got back from vacation. While I can't say it was 100% relaxing - we did have fun! In general, the kids are good travelers. We drove a long way (over 12 hours) and it wasn't all too bad...however, I can't count! I swore I sat down and very carefully laid out all the pills we'd need. I then set out the pills for Sunday morning (we were leaving bright and early)...well, I forgot to have everyone (including me) take the Sunday pills and then after going through what I'd packed, realized I was another day short in my count! Add that to the fact that DS2 "accidentally" dropped one of his Concerta down the sink and we had a lot of days where DS2 was not at his sweetest. We got through.
The boys shared a room (with our neighbor's son) and that only lasted two nights...quite the fight. They were verbally nasty with each other and then physically...which ended in a kick to the face, bloody nose and missing brackets on braces. They didn't sleep in the same room anymore. They fight in general - but pretty harmless stuff. I wasn't happy with this AT ALL. We had a boat and the next morning, they didn't get to come with us. Glad they brought those books!
Both boys learned to water ski on this trip (DD wanted to...but too small for the skis) and we all tubed until our teeth nearly fell out! Seriously, DH's goal was to get us off that tube as fast as possible. I hung on longer than I thought I could - proud of myself and this 'getting older' body!
Spent the last two days settling back in and all the doctor's appointments you can stand...what was I thinking when I scheduled them all the day after we got back!?
DS2 had his first track meet right before we left and he did well. I had forgotten how LONG a track meet can be. We were there 9 hours and he competed for all of 20 minutes! Anyway, he got 6th in the long jump - jumped 12 feet, 9.75 inches! He got 11th in the 100m - with a time of 14.67...and the 400 (which isn't his thing)...well, not as good! It was a large meet - so both of these places for a first timer and VERY good! His state meet is this weekend and we are looking forward to his competition. DS1 starts his baseball tourney this weekend and DD starts her cheer/hip hop class today! We are busy...but I like that!
The boys shared a room (with our neighbor's son) and that only lasted two nights...quite the fight. They were verbally nasty with each other and then physically...which ended in a kick to the face, bloody nose and missing brackets on braces. They didn't sleep in the same room anymore. They fight in general - but pretty harmless stuff. I wasn't happy with this AT ALL. We had a boat and the next morning, they didn't get to come with us. Glad they brought those books!
Both boys learned to water ski on this trip (DD wanted to...but too small for the skis) and we all tubed until our teeth nearly fell out! Seriously, DH's goal was to get us off that tube as fast as possible. I hung on longer than I thought I could - proud of myself and this 'getting older' body!
Spent the last two days settling back in and all the doctor's appointments you can stand...what was I thinking when I scheduled them all the day after we got back!?
DS2 had his first track meet right before we left and he did well. I had forgotten how LONG a track meet can be. We were there 9 hours and he competed for all of 20 minutes! Anyway, he got 6th in the long jump - jumped 12 feet, 9.75 inches! He got 11th in the 100m - with a time of 14.67...and the 400 (which isn't his thing)...well, not as good! It was a large meet - so both of these places for a first timer and VERY good! His state meet is this weekend and we are looking forward to his competition. DS1 starts his baseball tourney this weekend and DD starts her cheer/hip hop class today! We are busy...but I like that!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The structure of summer
Oh, how I remember the days of my youth! Hop on my bike five minutes after breakfast with a buck and a smile and not come back until dark with scrapes on my knees and dirts under my fingers. I loved it! All the kids did this in my neighborhood. So many people now argue that it was 'safer then' - but I disagree. The media just didn't cover things like they do now...we weren't as scared. I digress...
When we moved to the farm, there weren't kids close by to ride around all day...but I still found things to do. I could run in the fields for hours...even sit on the porch with a book. My swingset was my favorite spot and I created a whole world of friends and an exciting 'big city' life while daydreaming out there. I don't remember ever saying "I'm bored" or asking to watch TV during the day. Boy, have times changed!
I want so badly to run a loose ship this summer...but I find that kids can't handle it. If I don't have an activity set up or a plan in place, they simply wander around the house looking lost or run off to plug into something! I'm still standing my ground and refuse to be the party planner all summer...GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO...seems to be my battle cry. They are finding that the bored routine is not getting positive stuff...instead we have breakfast, homework (yes, I'm THAT mean) and chores first thing in the morning. If that is too hard for you...I can find 'easier' chores! The homework is one thing per day - but my children can find a way to drag it out into an hour! As I explain that it's as quick or slow as they want to be...well, it falls on deaf ears!
Then, the mommy guilt comes in. Should I be planning things for them to do everyday? Is it simply the world we live in now? I must say that my neighborhood has a ton of kids and NONE of them are outside - EVER! Well...except mine and our good friends two houses up. Does that mean those 'good' moms are sitting inside playing board games all day and feeding the minds of their children? Are they taking day trips each day to show the world to these sweet young things? I worry about that and then I realize that the truth is probably closer to this: I'm doing it pretty dog-gone right. My kids should be able to find something to do...they have a million toys, a yard and park, bikes, blades, kites, dogs and EACH OTHER! I find time each day to spend with them - playing board games, shooting hoops and yes - taking day trips! But, at their ages, it is time to learn some level of autonomy. Really...it will pay off some day.
When we moved to the farm, there weren't kids close by to ride around all day...but I still found things to do. I could run in the fields for hours...even sit on the porch with a book. My swingset was my favorite spot and I created a whole world of friends and an exciting 'big city' life while daydreaming out there. I don't remember ever saying "I'm bored" or asking to watch TV during the day. Boy, have times changed!
I want so badly to run a loose ship this summer...but I find that kids can't handle it. If I don't have an activity set up or a plan in place, they simply wander around the house looking lost or run off to plug into something! I'm still standing my ground and refuse to be the party planner all summer...GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO...seems to be my battle cry. They are finding that the bored routine is not getting positive stuff...instead we have breakfast, homework (yes, I'm THAT mean) and chores first thing in the morning. If that is too hard for you...I can find 'easier' chores! The homework is one thing per day - but my children can find a way to drag it out into an hour! As I explain that it's as quick or slow as they want to be...well, it falls on deaf ears!
Then, the mommy guilt comes in. Should I be planning things for them to do everyday? Is it simply the world we live in now? I must say that my neighborhood has a ton of kids and NONE of them are outside - EVER! Well...except mine and our good friends two houses up. Does that mean those 'good' moms are sitting inside playing board games all day and feeding the minds of their children? Are they taking day trips each day to show the world to these sweet young things? I worry about that and then I realize that the truth is probably closer to this: I'm doing it pretty dog-gone right. My kids should be able to find something to do...they have a million toys, a yard and park, bikes, blades, kites, dogs and EACH OTHER! I find time each day to spend with them - playing board games, shooting hoops and yes - taking day trips! But, at their ages, it is time to learn some level of autonomy. Really...it will pay off some day.
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