Friday, May 15, 2009

green socks and vacuum knocks

It's been a wild ride this week. DS2 had a pretty major rage - attempted to hurt me and in the process of restraining him I learned that I stink at restraining him. It was like an out-of-body experience and all over a pair of green socks. Well, they started out white...I handled it just like I'm being told to. I saw what happened and stated the truth with a small blank that he could fill in.
"I see that you ran around in the grass with just your socks on. Was that at first recess or second recess?" I should have known then that it was going to get out of control - except kids can start to tell lies like breathing. They don't even know that they are lying. Well...he was lying. Interestingly, I was disappointed that he had ruined a pair of socks, but not mad...the lying however starts to grind on me even after the second one.
I stayed busy with what I was doing and let him vent and fume and put himself further in a corner. When I tried to talk to him, he wasn't able to calm himself enough to hear me...and I pulled him in toward me by his tee-shirt. This wasn't a hard, mean pull...just a way to get him closer when I knew he wouldn't come on his own. Well, the incredible hulk moment came about then. Eyes changed, demeanor changed - everything. He lashed out at me with his arms and hands and it went from there. I ended up holding him in a sitting position between my legs (which he tried to bite) and I'm sure the whole thing only lasted 2 to 3 minutes...but it felt like an eternity. He was screeching and yelling terrible things at me...holding his breath and turning purple. Again, I was obviously totally unprepared.
At therapy earlier that day (mine), I had mentioned that I felt I was losing sight of DS2 because he was flying so under the radar - doing SO good. I was focused on DS1 and DD and although I was certainly spending time with him - I was probably letting small behaviors slide. After the rage, I spent a couple of days beating myself up for this fact. But, now I think - why wouldn't I? These children have to have the ability to earn back trust and get their 'leashes' loosened a bit and he had really earned it. His behaviors were overall normal - meaning that attachment didn't seem to be at play in anything lately.
He had been respectful (answer me everytime with eye contact and a happy 'yes mom'), responsible (doing so well on tough school assignments and getting chores done quick, snappy and well) and fun (really showing that he was working on conversation skills and being a wonderfully cuddly guy). Since those are my expectations, how could I still sit on top of him every second? He fulfilled his end and I was fulfilling mine. This is not to read that suddenly he was roaming the neighborhood and playing war games on Xbox all day. Those rules will take a lot longer to bend...just other things like I wasn't requiring daily writings in his feelings book. I had stopped asking him to name his feelings 20 times a day. So, while I'm upset with this set-back - I have to view it as just that...a set-back. He has apologized and (here's the biggie) taken responsibility. He said he knows that I wasn't going to hurt him and he snapped...he is hugging me at every passing...telling me stories. I find that I'm more on high alert with him right now - but working hard to trust that slides happen. If it became a regular occurence - we'd need to intervene. Of course, therapy is quickly approaching and yes, the leash is back a little tighter!
DD was vacuuming in the kitchen for me and she decided to see what would happen if she stuck the vacuum hose in the dog's water bowl. Well...what didn't happen is electrocution...what did happen was that my vacuum (beloved Dyson) looked like it was filled with prehistoric mud. She didn't come clean (ha) until DS2 found the muddy gunk the next day...but she did tell the truth the first time I asked her. I must say that while this isn't a great thing - it does seem like a normal kid thing. I'm glad she didn't get hurt...I'm sorry the dogs were probably thirsty and I didn't enjoy the sopping out of mud from the inner workings...but, it still works and she's moved on to bigger and better pain in the butt moves. For two days now she's been drawing fake bruises and cuts on her body...the wonders never cease!

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