We just returned from a long week with the Mouse. You know the one that lives in Florida and has a lots of nutty friends. Yes, Mickey...and we liked it. The best part is people watching. Since this was our second trip in two years and we knew it would be our last for quite some time...we really took our time.
No rushing, no arguing, no stress (OK...when people stop dead in their tracks in the middle of the walkway to pull out their map thereby backing up the 100s of people behind them as they stand 7 across and block all access to getting by with their 3 double strollers and lots of crazy ear hats...well, that tends to stress me out)
For a place called the Happiest Place on Earth, there sure are a lot of unhappy faces. It can be so overwhelming for both parents and kids. Parents get an idea that it will be the greatest thing to ever happen to their kids and lots of these kids - really little ones - don't buy into that. Which, in turn, makes parents stressed...and well, I'm the one sitting nearby watching.
I gotta tell you that if you are a 'thinker' about Disney - and you haven't done it before or a lot of times or haven't done it with kids...in my esteemed (ha) opinion you would not catch me dead with a kid that still needs a stroller. Never. I know folks do it and love it and all that jazz - but it's a lot of money for your kiddo to not remember it.
Anyway...we had a lovely time. DS1 and DD got along pretty darn good and even hung out together at times without mom and dad. It was weird to vacation with only four of us. I thought of DS2 a few times, but realized I didn't want to spend the whole vacation thinking of what I wish were...just have to be in the moment with what actually is. For this trip - it was the four of us. We ate very well - haven't stepped on the scale today - TOO SCARED.
We saw and took pictures with all the characters...really - I would guess almost all of them. We rode all the scary rides and all the kiddie rides. We laughed and screamed (not at each other) and slowed our pace to really enjoy being immersed in all things Disney. We enjoyed looking for hidden mickey's (if you don't know what that is...google it) and found a lot of great ones. We sampled foods from every land in the world showcase and thoroughly scoured a million gift shops. I now own a shirt with Mickey and Minnie on it. Said I never would...but I did. I've fallen from grace.
At home today - going through piles of mail and learned that DS2 has been suspended again - this time for ten days. That's a long one. I'm just so dog-gone sad for him. I don't get it...I don't understand which way to go from here as his parent. How can there be a situation with no good answers?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The "STRANGE"r in my home
The human race has created a strange bunch of people. They are called children. There doesn't need to be a possessive term with that. It doesn't matter if they are my children, your children, biological children, adopted children...they can all be gathered under "strange".
Don't get any panties in a bunch here. Strange is a lot of things. At my house, this is what strange looks like lately.
A child who remembers a tidbit of conversation, said in passing from four days ago and actually does what was asked of her (four days later...but being honest - I had forgotten about it by then). Yet, she still doesn't remember to EVER turn off a light when she walks out of a room.
A kid who wakes me up at 6:20 because the sun isn't out and he doesn't want to walk to school in the dark (which I totally agree with), then tells me that he doesn't need to be at school until 7. We sit and watch the sun come up together. So, maybe he could have waited for the sun before waking me up???
The sweetie who sits and talks through the whole show of Amazing Race and then is frustrated at the end because they 'didn't hear' what the host said.
The kiddo who cleans the bathroom mirror and can't understand why it's so disgusting, until I point out that they used Pledge instead of windex. Very confusing...a yellow can versus a clear bottle full of blue fluid. I can see where they can easily happen.
But strangest still is all the great stuff.
A teenager who comes and asks me to dance with him like we used to. Him on my feet and us shuffling (carrying 120 pounds...trust me I shuffled) around the family room. Then, him adding in hushed tones - "would you sing that song you made up for me when I was little?" I knew that may not happen again very often.
The little girl who can be so lost sometimes - so confused - so sad...but still walks up from time to time and offers her greatest compliment. I love you mom. She says sweet things about me...and it's only for the joy of saying something nice. The sweetheart who shares her secrets with me when her guard is down.
Strange is as strange does. I'm strange and maybe they both got it from me. I think that is more of a contagious trait than genetic. When they ask someday why they do XXX - and it's something strange...I'll be happy to report - "You take after me".
Don't get any panties in a bunch here. Strange is a lot of things. At my house, this is what strange looks like lately.
A child who remembers a tidbit of conversation, said in passing from four days ago and actually does what was asked of her (four days later...but being honest - I had forgotten about it by then). Yet, she still doesn't remember to EVER turn off a light when she walks out of a room.
A kid who wakes me up at 6:20 because the sun isn't out and he doesn't want to walk to school in the dark (which I totally agree with), then tells me that he doesn't need to be at school until 7. We sit and watch the sun come up together. So, maybe he could have waited for the sun before waking me up???
The sweetie who sits and talks through the whole show of Amazing Race and then is frustrated at the end because they 'didn't hear' what the host said.
The kiddo who cleans the bathroom mirror and can't understand why it's so disgusting, until I point out that they used Pledge instead of windex. Very confusing...a yellow can versus a clear bottle full of blue fluid. I can see where they can easily happen.
But strangest still is all the great stuff.
A teenager who comes and asks me to dance with him like we used to. Him on my feet and us shuffling (carrying 120 pounds...trust me I shuffled) around the family room. Then, him adding in hushed tones - "would you sing that song you made up for me when I was little?" I knew that may not happen again very often.
The little girl who can be so lost sometimes - so confused - so sad...but still walks up from time to time and offers her greatest compliment. I love you mom. She says sweet things about me...and it's only for the joy of saying something nice. The sweetheart who shares her secrets with me when her guard is down.
Strange is as strange does. I'm strange and maybe they both got it from me. I think that is more of a contagious trait than genetic. When they ask someday why they do XXX - and it's something strange...I'll be happy to report - "You take after me".
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Hurry up already
DS2 goes back to school tomorrow. I can say that the last 3 days have been very quiet - in the good way of quiet. Apparently it takes five days for him to wash off the school attitude and realize he's back home. It's not as though he's totally hanging out with us...but he's calm and more relaxed and most importantly...
He's just being here.
We (he and I) get to get up at 4am and drive to the airport. I know he's happy to be returning, but I don't believe that equates that he's happy to be leaving us. I just think that maybe he's happy in both places. I asked him if he could maybe try to take only four days next time - at Christmas - that he comes home. He's home for a couple of weeks that time and it would be lovely to have most of those days be calm and wonderful ones.
I'll miss him. When he's gone we don't have a lot of contact - not by our choice. He settles in there and we don't get emails or phone calls...he doesn't always answer when we call. So, I will miss him. I worry about him.
DD didn't get kicked off the team. They are counting it as strike one and two...one more thing - even a little one - and she's off the team. We decided to leave her be and perhaps pay a price we can't charge her. Everyone at the gym knows she did it. Rumors start and circulate - but this one is true. I doubt that the other girls will find it cute. She's been on suspension this week. She has sat at practice, but not taken part. Tomorrow is her first day back in the trenches. It will be socially difficult. I know it will. DH doesn't think she'll notice. She's not exactly socially adept.
I hope she notices. And, sadly, I hope it hurts her.
Maybe peer pressure can do more than we can on this front. I have to get past my embarrassment. Yep, it's terrible to be the parent of the kid committing crimes. I know that I'll have social reprecussions at the gym as well. I don't want to walk in waving the 'she's adopted and her birth family taught her to steal...she had to steal to eat and live...please, give me a break...I didn't do this to her' flag. But, I'm tempted.
Oh...so tempted. And, I might be weak because I can't think of what the right response would be.
Something very thoughtful like "My daughter made a terrible mistake and has paid the consequences asked of her. She will be working hard to change this behavior in the future."
That's scary. What if she doesn't change the behavior? What if she steals there again?
Then I look at DS1. Liar, liar, pants on fire...yes, he lies too. And, I raised him from birth. Apparently, all kids lie...so I've been told. I really didn't. I stink at lying. I stunk at it when I was young and I stink more now. Plus, the guilt. Oh how I hate knowing I lied.
Why can't my kids learn from my good points and ignore my bad points (which are so numerous, but at the top would be impatience). Come on...(quickly please!)
He's just being here.
We (he and I) get to get up at 4am and drive to the airport. I know he's happy to be returning, but I don't believe that equates that he's happy to be leaving us. I just think that maybe he's happy in both places. I asked him if he could maybe try to take only four days next time - at Christmas - that he comes home. He's home for a couple of weeks that time and it would be lovely to have most of those days be calm and wonderful ones.
I'll miss him. When he's gone we don't have a lot of contact - not by our choice. He settles in there and we don't get emails or phone calls...he doesn't always answer when we call. So, I will miss him. I worry about him.
DD didn't get kicked off the team. They are counting it as strike one and two...one more thing - even a little one - and she's off the team. We decided to leave her be and perhaps pay a price we can't charge her. Everyone at the gym knows she did it. Rumors start and circulate - but this one is true. I doubt that the other girls will find it cute. She's been on suspension this week. She has sat at practice, but not taken part. Tomorrow is her first day back in the trenches. It will be socially difficult. I know it will. DH doesn't think she'll notice. She's not exactly socially adept.
I hope she notices. And, sadly, I hope it hurts her.
Maybe peer pressure can do more than we can on this front. I have to get past my embarrassment. Yep, it's terrible to be the parent of the kid committing crimes. I know that I'll have social reprecussions at the gym as well. I don't want to walk in waving the 'she's adopted and her birth family taught her to steal...she had to steal to eat and live...please, give me a break...I didn't do this to her' flag. But, I'm tempted.
Oh...so tempted. And, I might be weak because I can't think of what the right response would be.
Something very thoughtful like "My daughter made a terrible mistake and has paid the consequences asked of her. She will be working hard to change this behavior in the future."
That's scary. What if she doesn't change the behavior? What if she steals there again?
Then I look at DS1. Liar, liar, pants on fire...yes, he lies too. And, I raised him from birth. Apparently, all kids lie...so I've been told. I really didn't. I stink at lying. I stunk at it when I was young and I stink more now. Plus, the guilt. Oh how I hate knowing I lied.
Why can't my kids learn from my good points and ignore my bad points (which are so numerous, but at the top would be impatience). Come on...(quickly please!)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
the ever changing days of our lives
My daughter stole money at her gym last night. Brazenly...just walked up to another girl's bag, dumped it and took the money. I would have paused a moment to struggle to put her in that position. She's been doing so well. But, you can't really argue video proof.
She did it all in front of a security camera.
I'm heartbroken. She really had been doing so well...now downhill spiral. We were even being careful to not build it all up too much. She's a saboteur of herself...
She is no longer on the cheer team. They are meeting about her to make a decision, but DH and I don't see how we can send her back. The death of a dream. She's so good...so darn good...at it. The dead dream is obviously mine.
All this on the third day of DS2's trip home. That, in and of itself, has not gone well. I won't bore with details, just pretty much exactly what it was last time. Except now you can throw in a lot of rapper/gangster/thug talk. I'm not using those terms in disrespect - but honestly...I don't know what to call it. Who dat? instead of who is that?...and uglier words that I'm not ok with.
I can stop it here (well, not stop it but keep it under wraps) but I can't do anything about it there. I know the school would not be ok with it, but kids are crafty - I'm sure they aren't saying it out in the open. I'm sure these names they call each other are reserved for personal time away from adults.
And, he can't remember why he got suspended again. For two days...he thought is was because he pushed a kid...but NO - it was for being tardy SIX times in a week. This notice, again, said that the behavior could result in expulsion.
Fabulous. I don't think that will happen...but I know that we have to re-think our plans for him. Or give this more time...or give up. But, I can't do that one.
At least DH and I sat and laughed so hard we nearly cried last night. We did that together. What else can you do? As with so many people - this isn't what we thought we were signing up for.
But, here we are.
She did it all in front of a security camera.
I'm heartbroken. She really had been doing so well...now downhill spiral. We were even being careful to not build it all up too much. She's a saboteur of herself...
She is no longer on the cheer team. They are meeting about her to make a decision, but DH and I don't see how we can send her back. The death of a dream. She's so good...so darn good...at it. The dead dream is obviously mine.
All this on the third day of DS2's trip home. That, in and of itself, has not gone well. I won't bore with details, just pretty much exactly what it was last time. Except now you can throw in a lot of rapper/gangster/thug talk. I'm not using those terms in disrespect - but honestly...I don't know what to call it. Who dat? instead of who is that?...and uglier words that I'm not ok with.
I can stop it here (well, not stop it but keep it under wraps) but I can't do anything about it there. I know the school would not be ok with it, but kids are crafty - I'm sure they aren't saying it out in the open. I'm sure these names they call each other are reserved for personal time away from adults.
And, he can't remember why he got suspended again. For two days...he thought is was because he pushed a kid...but NO - it was for being tardy SIX times in a week. This notice, again, said that the behavior could result in expulsion.
Fabulous. I don't think that will happen...but I know that we have to re-think our plans for him. Or give this more time...or give up. But, I can't do that one.
At least DH and I sat and laughed so hard we nearly cried last night. We did that together. What else can you do? As with so many people - this isn't what we thought we were signing up for.
But, here we are.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tootie knows best
DS1 is a nut...otherwise known as teenager. This is a species of person that I remember being. I remember eating a snickers and coke every day for lunch and feeling smug that I was eating 'ok'. I remember knowing how stupid my parents were and why I could never make them understand.
I just never thought I'd be the stupid one.
Now, I am.
He's not so bad. I've heard bad...I have been scared of bad teenagers...but he's definitely emotional and so darn smart. Maybe the thing that drives me the most crazy is that he won't ever admit that he is wrong. Even when proven to be so...he will simply never admit it.
Do I admit it? Openly to my kids?
I think I do. I can remember plenty of times that I've said "I was wrong and I apologize for that".
I don't remember him ever saying that. Is that just something that enters your life when you become stupid?
DS2 has earned his first grade card of 7th grade. It wasn't good. I can't make it good. He comes home on Friday and I'm hoping for the best. No big plans...just a regular week. I think that will be best. No pressure on any of us. I found some new trails since he was home last and it will be fun to introduce those to him. Just the two of us (I'm rather happy the other two are in school while he's home)...
DD is kicking butt and taking names. She is really blossoming. Of course there are still snags - but they are so minor and I'm so proud of her. She has totally gotten into cheer...like a new 'getting into things'. She's excited to start competitions! Her grades are good and she's becoming so independent (in all the right ways). I trust her to make good decisions and we continue to talk about how to choose that 'right' path. The greatest thing is that she is seeming to accept my guidance. I just can't stop gushing about the fabulous changes I'm seeing in her. Dare I say it - maturity???
Six of one, half a dozen of another...something is always happening around here. I feel like I can handle the majority of it. I've realized the facts of life. Seriously folks - has there ever been a theme song to a show that says it more perfectly?
You take the good, you take the bad
you take them both and there you have...the facts of life.
There's a time you gotta go and show
you're growing now you know about...the facts of life.
When the world never seems
to be livin' up to your dreams
and suddenly you're finding out
the facts of life are all about you...
(sadly, I didn't have to look that up...actually knew it by heart)
I just never thought I'd be the stupid one.
Now, I am.
He's not so bad. I've heard bad...I have been scared of bad teenagers...but he's definitely emotional and so darn smart. Maybe the thing that drives me the most crazy is that he won't ever admit that he is wrong. Even when proven to be so...he will simply never admit it.
Do I admit it? Openly to my kids?
I think I do. I can remember plenty of times that I've said "I was wrong and I apologize for that".
I don't remember him ever saying that. Is that just something that enters your life when you become stupid?
DS2 has earned his first grade card of 7th grade. It wasn't good. I can't make it good. He comes home on Friday and I'm hoping for the best. No big plans...just a regular week. I think that will be best. No pressure on any of us. I found some new trails since he was home last and it will be fun to introduce those to him. Just the two of us (I'm rather happy the other two are in school while he's home)...
DD is kicking butt and taking names. She is really blossoming. Of course there are still snags - but they are so minor and I'm so proud of her. She has totally gotten into cheer...like a new 'getting into things'. She's excited to start competitions! Her grades are good and she's becoming so independent (in all the right ways). I trust her to make good decisions and we continue to talk about how to choose that 'right' path. The greatest thing is that she is seeming to accept my guidance. I just can't stop gushing about the fabulous changes I'm seeing in her. Dare I say it - maturity???
Six of one, half a dozen of another...something is always happening around here. I feel like I can handle the majority of it. I've realized the facts of life. Seriously folks - has there ever been a theme song to a show that says it more perfectly?
You take the good, you take the bad
you take them both and there you have...the facts of life.
There's a time you gotta go and show
you're growing now you know about...the facts of life.
When the world never seems
to be livin' up to your dreams
and suddenly you're finding out
the facts of life are all about you...
(sadly, I didn't have to look that up...actually knew it by heart)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
going the distance
DS2 is hot and cold. He's having a tough start this year in behavior and grades. We got notification that we could finally view his grades online, in real time.
I thought "whoooopppppeeeee".
Then, I looked.
How do you fail PE? I'm questioning how hard he must be working to do nothing. PE is fully graded on participation. This is my kiddo that is always moving and can find something active to do at all times...but he can't participate in PE? That one stumps me. DH is totally convinced he's trying to get kicked out of school.
In a shocking way, I'd be touched by that concept. But, I don't believe it.
He's been suspended twice so far - stealing from a vending machine (he must be happy to be so skinny) and being tardy numerous times. I've seen the middle school 'campus' at his school. There is no more than 15 feet between classrooms.
They get three minutes between bells. You do the math...you could crawl in slow motion and still make it there. OR - you could get stuck in a traffic jam at a water fountain that causes you to be tardy four times in one day.
He must be one very thirsty young man.
The great news is that he joined the cross country team - because we forced him to. AND - he likes it. He called today to let us know that he placed third in his meet yesterday. He rocked it...he's never run distance like this before. I'm so proud. He also called to wish DS1 a happy birthday. It was one day late - but such an amazing feat for him. He remembered something...about our family.
Yes, DS1 had a birthday yesterday - one more year into teenage wasteland. He's pulling himself together after his very rough start in high school. DD is succeeding in 5th grade and is emotionally even keel pretty much all the time. Things are really going very well.
I realize what a wimp I am. Really enjoying my job - but how can I be so tired after only four hours each day? It's amazing! I go, go, go at the job - all the time...so I can count that as a work-out, right? I hope so because I'm having issues getting to the gym. Ahhh...life.
DS1 gets his braces off tomorrow. I'll go from having three in braces at one time to two...what a step down. I feel like I live at that ortho office. He's very excited and thinks it's the best birthday gift ever!
Empty teeth - YEAH!
I thought "whoooopppppeeeee".
Then, I looked.
How do you fail PE? I'm questioning how hard he must be working to do nothing. PE is fully graded on participation. This is my kiddo that is always moving and can find something active to do at all times...but he can't participate in PE? That one stumps me. DH is totally convinced he's trying to get kicked out of school.
In a shocking way, I'd be touched by that concept. But, I don't believe it.
He's been suspended twice so far - stealing from a vending machine (he must be happy to be so skinny) and being tardy numerous times. I've seen the middle school 'campus' at his school. There is no more than 15 feet between classrooms.
They get three minutes between bells. You do the math...you could crawl in slow motion and still make it there. OR - you could get stuck in a traffic jam at a water fountain that causes you to be tardy four times in one day.
He must be one very thirsty young man.
The great news is that he joined the cross country team - because we forced him to. AND - he likes it. He called today to let us know that he placed third in his meet yesterday. He rocked it...he's never run distance like this before. I'm so proud. He also called to wish DS1 a happy birthday. It was one day late - but such an amazing feat for him. He remembered something...about our family.
Yes, DS1 had a birthday yesterday - one more year into teenage wasteland. He's pulling himself together after his very rough start in high school. DD is succeeding in 5th grade and is emotionally even keel pretty much all the time. Things are really going very well.
I realize what a wimp I am. Really enjoying my job - but how can I be so tired after only four hours each day? It's amazing! I go, go, go at the job - all the time...so I can count that as a work-out, right? I hope so because I'm having issues getting to the gym. Ahhh...life.
DS1 gets his braces off tomorrow. I'll go from having three in braces at one time to two...what a step down. I feel like I live at that ortho office. He's very excited and thinks it's the best birthday gift ever!
Empty teeth - YEAH!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
the dog had to go
Today I met a neighbor that I've seen around with her dog. I was pulling weeds at the foreclosed home across the street (hey, it's still a house I have to look at) and she walked by. I'm a friendly bloke and said hello. We chatted.
I'm a pretty open book.
She asked where DS2 had gone...she used to see him at the bus stop and noticed he was gone this year. So, I told her. I didn't share gory details, but just that he is at a boarding school and is very happy there. I did tell her about his joining the family five years ago and that so many things about family were hard for him.
Then she tells me a story.
She bought a dog. The dog howled at night. The dog was mean to her first dog. The dog just didn't fit in her family...so, she sent him to a foster doggie home.
Therefore...
She said...
She totally gets what it's like to 'send a child away'.
OK, really?
Hubby and I have a 90-10 rule. Ninety percent of people in America are idiots. Maybe not in all parts of their lives - but at some point. Heck, I've hit in the 90 before. Today, she made me know my rule is right. I mean...REALLY?
I know that I speak 'lightly' about the subject sometimes. That is because it's tough to be sad all the time...it's tough on even him...while he doesn't seem to care if I'm sad - it does something to him. It does something to me when he's sad. I can't tell you the relief I feel when I speak with him and he's excited and happy. Yep, broken hearted on the inside because he can't have that here with me, but so darn pleased that he's got happiness in his life - wherever that means he has to be.
However, speaking lightly does NOT mean that I would equate our situation with my son with the puppy who couldn't stay.
Really?
I'm a pretty open book.
She asked where DS2 had gone...she used to see him at the bus stop and noticed he was gone this year. So, I told her. I didn't share gory details, but just that he is at a boarding school and is very happy there. I did tell her about his joining the family five years ago and that so many things about family were hard for him.
Then she tells me a story.
She bought a dog. The dog howled at night. The dog was mean to her first dog. The dog just didn't fit in her family...so, she sent him to a foster doggie home.
Therefore...
She said...
She totally gets what it's like to 'send a child away'.
OK, really?
Hubby and I have a 90-10 rule. Ninety percent of people in America are idiots. Maybe not in all parts of their lives - but at some point. Heck, I've hit in the 90 before. Today, she made me know my rule is right. I mean...REALLY?
I know that I speak 'lightly' about the subject sometimes. That is because it's tough to be sad all the time...it's tough on even him...while he doesn't seem to care if I'm sad - it does something to him. It does something to me when he's sad. I can't tell you the relief I feel when I speak with him and he's excited and happy. Yep, broken hearted on the inside because he can't have that here with me, but so darn pleased that he's got happiness in his life - wherever that means he has to be.
However, speaking lightly does NOT mean that I would equate our situation with my son with the puppy who couldn't stay.
Really?
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