Monday, May 24, 2010


How torn can I be over a lunch?

Today is DS2's big end-of-year bash at school. It's at a park and they were to bring a lunch. He packed his lunch last night. He wrote himself a note - DON'T FORGET YOUR LUNCH. With many crossed out words and lots of mispelling.

He had 10 minutes to waste at the door this morning reading comics. He had time to ask to take 20 things for the party: cap, football, frisbee, etc. YET - his lunch sits in the fridge. He borrowed a cell phone on the bus to call and ask for it. He called again from school to let me know what time to bring it to him. He's been told twice that I won't bring it.

In twelve days, he moves. I won't be there to remind him - which I did this morning by saying "do you have everything?" - I won't be there to run things to him - which, for the record, I've never done before either. Love and logic says not to do it...he won't starve. Yet, there is no logic in our relationship anyway. Should I take it as a movement toward him learning that I care enough to do it? Would he get that at all?

I have to walk out the door right now and can't decide if the lunch should stay put or I should make a stop to deliver it. There doesn't seem to be a right answer...

Why can a lunch make me so torn?


  1. If your your older son called and asked you to it would you? I would do it, that's what mom's do even if the child does not appreciate it or deserve it. You know this is how he is no sense in fighting it, its the nature of the beast at this point. Maybe he truly cannot help it, just like your bipolar, its just a part of his makeup. Seriously, at this point what are you trying to prove with him you know its not going to change. If your going out anyway just do it! One last gesture? One last mom kind of thing? Who knows maybe one day he will appreciate the effort, maybe!

  2. It depends - does it "have to be" a lesson? Can you just bring him the lunch as a loving act of a mom. You know he TRIED to remember his lunch. He did the steps you would want him to do to remember - yes he forgot - but he tried. Can you reward the effort?

    Mostly also because in 12 days you wont have the chance to be "motherly" to him I think you should. I get love and logic and hold firm to it most times, but if I can, I will also be loving to my kids. There is no real cost to it and he isn't abusing it.

  3. I took him his lunch - about 15 minutes after he called. He had already gone and charmed the lunch lady into making him he didn't need his lunch from home. He was quite proud that he got the lunch for free! In one way, I was impressed that he had taken care of it on his own. On the other hand, I am wondering what was said since about 10 school employees pointed out that MY SON had shown up without a though it were somehow me keeping him from having a lunch. Oh well...I took it and can say that.
    BTW, I would not have taken it for either of the other kids...

  4. you are fine sweetie. Dont beat yourself up over it. There is no right or wrong. The love you feel for him is now mixed with the relief you feel knowing he is leaving. It is bittersweet & from my experience with Rad kids you really have to stay true to your self along with being loving & kind. You are right they can & do figure things out for themselves but they dont agognize over their decisions like we do. Enjoy his last few days, be yourself, stay firm & loving & send him off knowing you have put more into him than you think & I hope you catch glimpses of the character that is there because of you. Hugs.