Sunday, May 2, 2010

Pictures of Mom

I'm playing in the Grown in my Heart can play too by going to and linking up. However, I'm cheating. I don't have any pictures of my mom in the 'olden' days. Our house burned down on Christmas night during my freshman year of high school and all the pictures we had were lost. So, I'm going to write about the picture in my head of my mom...

It was a summer day and I was 7 years old. We were in my mom's cadillac convertible and my mom had been very sad lately. My dad had left was a long time coming, but he didn't do it right. If there is a right way to leave? I had seen her cry a lot...I had heard her trying to hide it in her bedroom in the middle of the night, but I knew I couldn't help her. I wanted to be a really good girl and fix what had happened. I begged my dad to come back...

On this day, she had found some small happiness...the weather was beautiful and I remember looking over at her with her Farrah blond swept hair and her really big strawberry colored sunglasses. She was singing "that will be the daaaayyyyy that I die"...and she was happy. She was beautiful. I remember thinking that I needed to snap a mental picture of that moment, because even at 7 I knew that there was still a lot of pain to come. That was the moment that I wanted to be her.

Singing loud
smiling, wind-swept
Beautiful mom

As an aside...I wish my mom had never gone through that time. I wish my sister had been born into a family that was not broken. I wish I could still have my mom in a significant way. I always wonder if her divorce broke us also...I remind her of things that aren't positive. If she ever read this - I wish she could know that...

I miss her.

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