Here goes the mean stuff...and let me just say that I'm feeling very good right now. Christmas parties were today at school and DD did well at hers. I didn't get to be at DS2's party as I'm the room mom in DD's class. I appreciate all the kind words that parents give me when I plan a party and I like doing it - however, I'll be done after this year! It's just one extra thing on my very full plate.
I, of course, think about our situation a lot. I wonder which came first: my attachment disorder or theirs? Yes, theirs - I know...BUT, I did struggle mightily in my attachment when they came home (yet another thing I wish I could do over). Did I make it worse? So, I was trying to think about what made me struggle and I realized that some of it is physical.
You are single and in a bar (for lack of a better pick up place coming to mind). You see a cute guy, just your type and you're trying to figure out a way to strike up a conversation...suddenly another guy is beside you. You like dark hair - he had light hair. You like beautiful straight white teeth - his smile is from a trailer park. You like a tall guy - he's not tall. So, do you give him a chance? Probably not - but what if you were forced to elope with him right then. You couldn't make another choice - that was it...he's yours forever.
Sadly, it can be like in adoption. DS2 has many physical traits that I actually have a reaction to. Small things: the way he licks his lips to big things: the very hot state of his body at all times. I really have to learn to re-train myself to not react to these things...but it's hard. OK, so most folks are thinking "geez, he's a kid, that's mean"...but, basically I eloped with him 5 minutes after meeting him. There wasn't an out door - he became my son before I could get to know him and the great things about him.
It's my next big frontier...I'm going to figure out how to stop my reactions to those physical things. Wish I didn't have that problem to deal with.
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I liked this post. Its one of those things that you don't really think about. With a baby you fall in love with everything about the baby while they are helpless and lovely (normally). With the adoption of an older kid there are all these things that you are trying to become familiar with, all at once, many of which you don't like, that aren't even part of parenting for those who raise their kids from babyhood.
ReplyDeleteYet another post I can COMPLETELY relate to. And I would love to know when YOU yourself were able to form some type of attachment to your children. My daughter has been home a yr now. A year. And yes, I have a reaction to the small things as well as the big things too.
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