OK, list of things that I have and know are intact:
eyes - check (I can still see my DD pulling her teeth out)
ears - check (I can still hear her telling me that getting pulled out in the hall by her teacher is NOT getting in trouble)
mouth - check (I know I still have all my teeth)
arms - they are still there although not busy since most of the time, no one wants a hug
legs - yep, I can still carry laundry up and down and take the dogs outside from time to time
heart - sad and a little broken
brain - that one is missing...heck, even gathering thoughts to write it tough.
Short background on my last day or two. DD has decided that she doesn't need teeth in her mouth anymore - what the heck is it with teeth in this house? So, the stupid dentist told her to pull them all out - all the baby teeth - he didn't care. She won't be able to chew and it totally added to the fact that she thinks I'm an idiot and I wanted to punch him in the face...so, in one day she pulled out the first tooth, except wouldn't actually take it out when it was hanging and I reached in and popped it out. Not too dramatic, it came out the first second I pulled...but in her mind, it was torture and once again, I was behind the torture to her little soul.
Being as I was feeling postal this morning, I made attempt number three to get DD's psychiatrist to call me back. This time it worked. His medical partner (not sure what that means) returned my call very quickly. I guess if you tell them your DD is pulling teeth out of her mouth, that gets results. So, I have good news - trumpets blaring - it doesn't happen much on this blog...
HE WAS FABULOUS! He listened, he didn't rush me, he didn't have to run off for an appointment, he got me in on Monday, he gave me a plan and helped me look to the future for what really might happen. I need a bit of a look at the end game here...he told me that I was doing a good job and through the best conversation I've had in a while...I was able to think and come up with some triggers that have been happening for her lately.
First, although DS2 has been a little wonky for a few days, overall his healing is moving forward in a very wonderful turn of events. As he left this morning, he blew a kiss, said he loved me and told me he'd the best he could be today. She hated that...and it made me wonder. Is it harder for these kids to see someone else from their background who isn't struggling like they are? Does it make her react even stronger to structure and love when she see's that he actually responds to it? Does she feel betrayed by him? If so, that is just another layer on her shoulders. I don't know how much more she can carry.
I had to come to terms today with a few rough things. DD may not actually have a positive outcome. I'm not all doom and gloom, but I try to live in the real world. If this is as good as it gets for her - where will that leave her, where will that leave us as a family? Tough spots for sure, but I'd rather have time to reach the answers and feel good about them...well, maybe good isn't the word - but satisfied.
She's in 'mommy school' today. It's pretty quiet around here. I'm relating to a 9 year old with 30 year old problems and I have to remember that I'm trying to reset an age clock that was set by someone else. Man, I'm angry at those people...