Tuesday, April 7, 2009

the wall and the red tape

We see a lot of doctors. It seems my kids have been physically ill more than usual this winter, along with psychiatrists, therapists and all the assorted others in our rotation. So, you would think that I would be thankful for a good insurance policy - and I am! Really! BUT, it requires a lot of work. I've become a major sqeaky wheel to get our deductible met and everything applied where it needs to applied. I think our insurance company has probably red flagged my file, because the people there seem to talk to me in a very 'come in and get off the ledge' kind of way. I actually told them that I should receive a paycheck since I've caught so many mistakes they've made. Needless to say, I'm not holding my breath. This morning I'm talking to a billing lady for the kid's psych. They bill about 2 months in arrears...which is annoying. They owe me money - like enough money to cover 10 visits...but they don't have their system updated...so they keep making me pay. I'm not happy about that. At their appointment yesterday I took all the documents from insurance company showing that they are overcharging me and I have a credit. The cute little gal behind the counter was unwilling to look at said docs, because she's 'not in billing' - I asked her to fax the docs to billing and she wouldn't do it unless I would reschedule my appointment. So, I call the billing lady today and she says "you should have taken your docs to your visit so they could fax them to me and then we wouldn't have charged you"...AARRGGHH!

So, if the companies that are supposedly offering us help can do this all 2 months behind...I think I should be able to do the rest of my life 2 months behind. OH, the field trip was last month - sorry I missed it. OH, credit card company - you must understand that I've decided to work 2 months in arrears...you'll be seeing my payment soon! Phone company, electric company, water, cable, cell - check, check and check. They'll all except that right? I'll just tell them to call the billing lady for approval!

BTW, DD sat in our appointment like a full on comedian. She was doing sign language and fake screaming when I was talking. When asked to address her unsafe behavior, like walking in front of traffic, she made up the story about her brain telling her to do bad things. Thankfully, doc XXX didn't believe it for one second. However, we left with the same meds as before...worrying and anxiety are taking a backseat to plain old defiant nastiness. Which, apparently, is my problem. Dang! All I want is a miracle drug...
When doc XXX asked her if she thinks I'm right about most things I say - she said yes - then proceeded to argue with me about 10 times which he pointed out means that she doesn't believe I'm right. She seemed shocked.
I've made up a new fable to share with her. Here it is:
There is a little girl who lives in a town that is surrounded by a huge brick wall. When she was little she lived in the scary part of town. In that part of town, she had to act like a big girl and sometimes she would dream that the wall would magically open and she could go to the other side. The dreams were so real, that she believed it had happened. The little girl gets to move to the brighter part of town. She feels free sometimes, like she doesn't have to be an adult. So, one day she walks up to the wall and runs smack into it - hard! It bruises her face and hurts her head. She goes home and shows her mom and her mom says "that wall doesn't open...you can hurt yourself". The next day the girl walks into the wall again - sure that it will open for her. Again, she gets hurt. She waits a while and walks into it again - week after week and every time she gets the same result. She's hurt and bleeding. Her mom tells her that all the good things she needs, the healthy things, the safe things, the things to be a fun and happy kid are inside the wall, but she can't believe her. She just keeps walking into the wall. I believe that one day, she'll learn that the walking into the wall gives her a bad result - the same bad result everytime. One day she'll be happy to live inside the wall, inside the strength of what her mom tells her. One day, she'll figure out that maybe trying to live inside the wall is not so bad...could even be nice.


  1. M, while your posts here are so much about the hard personal experiences you are living, I really MUST tell you that you are an incredibly talented writer. Your "wall" story is just another example of expressing the reality that many of our kids live in a way that is both serious and amusing. Bravo!

  2. M- trying to contact you regarding Grown in My Heart. Please email me from your personal email.