Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The longest game ever

In 1984 the Milwaukee Brewers and Chicago White Sox played a 25 inning game that lasted 8 hours and 6 minutes. I'm guessing the stands were pretty empty at the end of that mess. Well, I think DD is trying to set a record for the longest stand-off in attachment parenting. Actually, I'm sure we aren't even close...but she's working me over. If I wasn't working so HARD to be strong, I'd be down for the count. She simply will not do anyting my way. Nothing.
When asked to a do a chore, she'll leave one little piece of it undone - it's an obvious decision on her part...not like missing a little section of table when she's dusting. So, I give her the chance to re-try the chore. She'll again NOT do the exact same thing. The third time of re-trying gains you another chore. We are in day two of this standoff and she's run up quite a list. What's bothering her even more is that I haven't raised my voice or taken the smile off my face - at least not in front of her. I continue to tell her how strong she is becoming by learning to do things the right way, Mom's way. Now, when I walk away, I'm rubbing my eyes and counting to 10 and screaming into pillows. I kid you not, cleaning the downstairs sink drug on for 3 hours and 12 minutes...over 2 days. It took 7 tries and therefore she earned the privilege of practicing her abilities on 4 more chores.
I haven't 'taken' anything from her...she's not grounded, hasn't lost plug in privileges...but she must have her consequences completed prior to getting to fun stuff. Well...this is day 3 of no fun stuff. I have given her a million, zillion hugs and lots of verbal positivism! Right now is shower time and she's really singing up a storm as it's 'free time' in her book...that's fine!
After dinner tonight she cleared her plate and put the meat in the sink and left it there...didn't put it down the disposal as she is supposed to do. I led her back to the kitchen and stood her at the sink and asked her to finish her clearing so we could all do ours. She stood there for a good 10 minutes staring at the meat in the sink. She knew what to do. I had her strong sit - I took her meat out of the sink, allowed the rest of us to clear our places and then placed her meat back in the sink and told her to take her time - it's good to make your brain work really hard. Once we had all left the room and there was no audience - she miraculously remembered how to run the disposal...I guess being in a room by yourself is not as much fun as hoping that someone will get mad at you.
Perhaps the most interesting part of all this is seeing DS2's reaction. I have told all three kids that when someone else is making bad choices - you are to go about with your life and pay no attention to that troubled person. All of us have been doing good. She's upset and we continue on with our day. Tonight after the whole disposal mess he said "wow, it must have been that annoying when I wouldn't do anything right". I asked if he knew when he was making that choice, to purposefully disobey and he said "sure...I made that choice anytime you started to feel like my mom".
He didn't realize the depth of that statement. He did have a tough time last week...but once again, he's shown his strength by turning it around big time. He's been a pure joy. As DH came into the house yesterday and I was ready to pounce with all the info about how mad I was at DS1 and how calm I was trying to stay with DD...I had to mention first and foremost that DS2 had a joyful day and was loving and respectful! That's something DH doesn't get to hear too much!


  1. i've been praying for you and will keep praying.

    the best parenting verse in the Bible is James 1:5 (If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.) it's a fantastic promise, and one i need to remind myself of all the time.

    keep leaning hard on God - He can take it!

  2. Sounds like you are right on track! A difficult behavior always gets worse before it gets better when the parent starts a serious system of consequences.
    HI- I was just visiting from Gobber lands blog roll.