Wednesday, January 28, 2009

blame it on the bossanova...

Not the darn adoption, please! This is going to come out clear as mud, but I really want to try to trudge my way through.

I do not have trouble parenting DS2 and DD because they are adopted. Granted, the issues that are a part of our lives each day stem from the facts of their early lives...but I don't awake each morning and think "I'm going to struggle loving them today because they didn't come out of me". I guess that seems important right now. I had an adoptee tell me that sometimes reading what I've said could feel a bit hurtful and it made me mad at myself. I don't think I've ever stopped to think about what I might be making others feel. When I'm 'talking' on this blog or online or even in real's like verbal puke. I can't control what comes up - and I guess I never thought I needed to, because again - it's not about the adoption to me. For the record, the one who did pop out of me has become a real pain in the bootie. He ranks right up there in the race for "who can drive mom crazy" award. The difference is - I can tell him that. OK, yes, I tell the others that sometimes as well - but attachment parenting does not really conform to the way I parent. I might even actually stink at attachment parenting - maybe.
I don't look at DS2 when I'm upset with his choices and think "if only you were REALLY MY child, this wouldn't happen". Never. That seems ridiculous to me. I don't even look at DD and think "I wish you had my hair gone that loss of genetic material". Could really care less... Raising kids is hard. If there is a parent out there that says it's all magical and fun, the either: a) smoke too much pot (or better stuff), b)are incredible liars or c) their children are all under the age of 4. It's easy to love a sweet thing that can't talk back or try to take little pieces of your life.
DS1 told me tonight that he's mad because I'm a different person since the kids came home. That hurt me - but how true. I'm not near as laid back...I'm probably brutally honest, compared to slightly painfully honest before. I don't think I had ever said any of the following B2M (before 2 more).
*Please find the missing underwear (how can there be 5 pair of dirty pants and no underwear...really?)
*Beijing is not in the really, it's not....NO, IT'S NOT and YOUR STUPID TECH TEACHER DID NOT SAY IT IS.
*The song is 'ridin dirty' - not white and nerdy...pretty sure they wouldn't know what it was like to be white and nerdy. (ok, you can question what I let my kids listen to...but I'm not ashamed to say that rap music relaxs me and yes, I know the words)
*Yes, if you run away and we find you - you do have to come back home - no, it probably won't be fun.
*I think that trying to cut your hand by stabbing yourself with a pencil is not the smartest idea.
*If food is in the trash can - please leave it there. Eating out of the trash is like licking the bottom of your shoes - it's that dirty. (pause...hear quiet from front room) - OMG, DO NOT LICK YOUR SHOES!

Ah, the oldies but goodies.

Anyway, I suppose anyone has the right to think I'm anything they'd like to label me. And, I probably am about 50% of those things. But, please do not say it - do not say "it's all because those kids are adopted"...

BTW, I watched Juno today. Haven't formed a major opinion - although for pure comedic value - I liked it. In the end, when the adoptive mom is holding the baby and says "how do I look?" (which was the oddest question I could think of her asking at that moment and I probably would have grabbed the kid and ran fast) - I did like the answer "like any new mom, scared S*$&less" I guess that's partly my point. Give ANY mom a kid that is emotionally scarred and acting out and they'd all look the same. OK, maybe except that Michelle Duggar woman who I believe is a robotic prototype - does she really talk in that sweet voice ALL the time???? I watch that show like a cult member - I'm waiting - she has to crack...she even spoke sweetly in labor - BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!


  1. I have to agree, it's not the fact that they are adopted, it's what happened to them to cause damage that sometimes makes them harder to parent than our bio kids.

  2. I think you are remarkable to be able to function and deal with your tough situation - bio or adopted - not the point. Question is DO you really have to continue as it is now (very difficult for you, your husband and DS1)??

  3. Don't forget to remind DS that he too is not the same as he was B42M...he is changed because he has siblings.

    There are some days that I would love to say that adoption does not come into my thoughts. Not true and not really fair. But when it comes to parenting..the fact that my children were adopted has nothing to do with that affect that I parent. I am quite sure that you do not parent your bio child different from your adopted children. Yes, we may have different styles but the end expectation or result is the same...adopted or not.

  4. Ahhh have you heard White and Nerdy? ;) It is a real song ... a parody of Ridin Dirty or whatever the real name is. And its very funny. You tube it.

    :) And I get ya... totally!

  5. They see me rollin'. They hatin'. ...... ; )