Not the darn adoption, please! This is going to come out clear as mud, but I really want to try to trudge my way through.
I do not have trouble parenting DS2 and DD because they are adopted. Granted, the issues that are a part of our lives each day stem from the facts of their early lives...but I don't awake each morning and think "I'm going to struggle loving them today because they didn't come out of me". I guess that seems important right now. I had an adoptee tell me that sometimes reading what I've said could feel a bit hurtful and it made me mad at myself. I don't think I've ever stopped to think about what I might be making others feel. When I'm 'talking' on this blog or online or even in real life...it's like verbal puke. I can't control what comes up - and I guess I never thought I needed to, because again - it's not about the adoption to me. For the record, the one who did pop out of me has become a real pain in the bootie. He ranks right up there in the race for "who can drive mom crazy" award. The difference is - I can tell him that. OK, yes, I tell the others that sometimes as well - but attachment parenting does not really conform to the way I parent. I might even actually stink at attachment parenting - maybe.
I don't look at DS2 when I'm upset with his choices and think "if only you were REALLY MY child, this wouldn't happen". Never. That seems ridiculous to me. I don't even look at DD and think "I wish you had my hair color...dog gone that loss of genetic material". Could really care less... Raising kids is hard. If there is a parent out there that says it's all magical and fun, the either: a) smoke too much pot (or better stuff), b)are incredible liars or c) their children are all under the age of 4. It's easy to love a sweet thing that can't talk back or try to take little pieces of your life.
DS1 told me tonight that he's mad because I'm a different person since the kids came home. That hurt me - but how true. I'm not near as laid back...I'm probably brutally honest, compared to slightly painfully honest before. I don't think I had ever said any of the following B2M (before 2 more).
*Please find the missing underwear (how can there be 5 pair of dirty pants and no underwear...really?)
*Beijing is not in the USA...no really, it's not....NO, IT'S NOT and YOUR STUPID TECH TEACHER DID NOT SAY IT IS.
*The song is 'ridin dirty' - not white and nerdy...pretty sure they wouldn't know what it was like to be white and nerdy. (ok, you can question what I let my kids listen to...but I'm not ashamed to say that rap music relaxs me and yes, I know the words)
*Yes, if you run away and we find you - you do have to come back home - no, it probably won't be fun.
*I think that trying to cut your hand by stabbing yourself with a pencil is not the smartest idea.
*If food is in the trash can - please leave it there. Eating out of the trash is like licking the bottom of your shoes - it's that dirty. (pause...hear quiet from front room) - OMG, DO NOT LICK YOUR SHOES!
Ah, the oldies but goodies.
Anyway, I suppose anyone has the right to think I'm anything they'd like to label me. And, I probably am about 50% of those things. But, please do not say it - do not say "it's all because those kids are adopted"...
BTW, I watched Juno today. Haven't formed a major opinion - although for pure comedic value - I liked it. In the end, when the adoptive mom is holding the baby and says "how do I look?" (which was the oddest question I could think of her asking at that moment and I probably would have grabbed the kid and ran fast) - I did like the answer "like any new mom, scared S*$&less" I guess that's partly my point. Give ANY mom a kid that is emotionally scarred and acting out and they'd all look the same. OK, maybe except that Michelle Duggar woman who I believe is a robotic prototype - does she really talk in that sweet voice ALL the time???? I watch that show like a cult member - I'm waiting - she has to crack...she even spoke sweetly in labor - BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!